dating

All posts tagged dating

Dating. Well, The Lack Thereof

Published July 14, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

Deceit-And-Lies

 

I have tried online dating on and off. If you search back, you find posts about the various dates I went on. Most are pretty funny overall. Some are just tragic. Dating at any age is total pain in the arse. Trying to date in your 50’s is a pain in much more than your arse. It just plain stinks.

The questions these supposedly mature men ask are incredible. It’s like talking to a 16-year-old. They are not questions they would ask if sat in a coffee house face to face with someone. But online? Hey, nothing is off limits. Even when they are TOLD it is off limits, they ask anyway.

I thought perhaps this was an issue only for us older women. But no. I know someone who is in her late 30’s and wanting to date again. We chatted a bit about the online dating ‘scene’ and I found her interactions were pretty much the same as mine.

Men lie. About everything. Their name, their job status, their marital status. They ask highly inappropriate questions and demand answers they have no business knowing. Then, of course, you are a bitch for shutting them down. One man I kind of liked finally confessed he signed up so he could get laid. He wasn’t interested in a real relationship. Really? Just go the corner bar for that.

I don’t understand any of this. Why would anyone be such a total douche? Why can’t you just be who you are in real life? Is that so difficult? And why the hell are you on a dating site if your ass is married?

And I get it. It isn’t just men. It’s everyone. Sexual preferences don’t matter. People are assholes online because they are online and don’t have to face the humanity across the table. No one is safe from the online joke that is called a dating site.

As much as I’d like to find a male companion, I don’t see it happening any time soon. I am too old for any ‘meet cute’ thing. The closest I could get is both of us kneeling down to tie shoes laces and realizing neither one of us can get back up without a hand. And I seriously doubt I will be filling bulk bins at work and meet the eyes of some nice man who things I’m all that and a bag of chips. It simply doesn’t work that way once you get a bit older. It doesn’t help that I am too weird for the ‘normal’ crowd, and too ‘normal’ for the weird crowd. I am weirdly grounded?? Hmmmm…

In light of that, I’ll just keep on being happy alone. Because it’s perfectly okay to be alone.

 

In Search Of

Published February 20, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

Businesswoman standing on a ladder looking through binoculars

A friend of mine, who is also single, female and over fifty, recently posted;

ISO (in search of): Ethics, morals and integrity. Non smoker, non drinker and no drugs. Truck, tractor and tiller in very good working condition. Farm life background-knows how to set posts and fix horse fence. Must love good food, sassy conversation and me.

This made me think about what I am in search of. Only mine went sorta like this;

Must play with Legos, have a sense of humor, likes gargoyles, dragons….

It seems I’m looking for a 12-year-old.

The truth is I want most of the same things my friend wants. I just want a little more fun and less tractor/tiller/fencing. I used have the sort of life, and I loved it then, but it isn’t what I want now.

When you are older and dating, the rules change. They can’t help but change. We are no longer in our twenties with an entire life stretching before us. Most people over 50 are looking for someone settled in, secure, mature and who has made it past coloured building blocks.

I, however, still find joy in a lot things I ought to have out grown by now. I have gargoyles, a couple of dragons (Uh, not real ones. All that breathing fire leaves too ash to clean up) and few other things that may be viewed as immature. You know what is a complete blast? Digging in huge bin of Lego people parts building your own Lego dude (or dudette). You know who won’t do that without kids or grandkids present? The majority of men over fifty. Maybe even over forty.

I like the Marvel movies, Doctor Who, a little candy goth, a little steampunk, the list goes on. But the point is – I am not dead. I still want to play a little. So what if I’m the oldest person in the world in Hot Topic? I like Hot Topic. I enjoy looking the clothing and sometimes I buy a Doctor Who toy. Sometimes I buy a shirt. Why? Because I like it. It makes me laugh. Sometimes I put bright colours in my hair. They wash out, but they are fun. You remember fun, right?

I also like museums, classical music, theatre, BBC programs, diners, walking and other more grown up activities.

But the other side of that silly stuff coin IS  finding someone who is also responsible, ethical, has integrity, doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t drink himself stupid every chance he gets.

It’s a balance that is tough to find. Perhaps impossible. But I will keep bouncing along hoping that other oddball is out there. And, you know, single and age appropriate. Perhaps one day our eyes will meet over the Lego bin as we reach for the same Lego arm.

Excuse me now, I need to hit the nearest Lego store.

Good Gosh I love a Good Comment

Published February 17, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

From time to time I look at the spam comments. Most are simply companies trying to get a shout out on the blog site. Why they choose my dippy little blog is beyond me, however, this one came to my ‘moderate this comment’ folder:

 

I together with my friends were found to be looking at the best procedures on the blog and all of the sudden I had a horrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those techniques. These men happened to be consequently warmed to read them and have in effect seriously been taking pleasure in these things. Appreciate your really being simply accommodating as well as for figuring out varieties of cool guides most people are really desirous to know about. Our own sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

 

I’m really not sure what is being said here (kind of like some of the dating site comments), but if the men are enjoying these ‘techniques’ will good for them! I shall consequently try to keep my techniques accommodating, and the guides cool for those who are desirous to know about them.

Apology accepted.

 

 

When You’re Older, Dating Isn’t a Breeze

Published February 7, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

tenent

 

I have been on online dating sites on and off since my marriage ended seven years ago. I am over fifty, not super skinny, nor a bombshell, though I am blonde.

I admit to being not the average 57 year-old looking for a date and potential relationship. I am long over picking up socks, cooking every meal, and knowing everyone else’s stuff is. This not Leave It To Beaver nor is it Father Knows Best, and I am not Donna Reed. I don’t think I even own a string of pearls. Hhmmmm…

There a lot of men out there who claim to not be looking for a Donna Reed, and who claim to want more from a relationship than the standard marriage/relationship fare. For those who DO want all of the above, good for you. There are women out there who want that too. You just gotta find each other.

But I am a force all my own, with odder hobbies and not-so-grown-up tastes unlike those of Better Homes and Garden. Sure, I want a nice home. But there will be gargoyles lurking in the corners and in the garden.

In a small effort on my part (very small because these things tend to make me throw up a little in my mouth), I read a couple of articles on older women and dating. And yeah, I threw up a little in my mouth.

The couple of articles that I read all the way through had some advice for us older gals on the prowl. Or the creak, as it may be. A few points stuck out to me.

Show more décolletage. (Décolletage is fancy term for neck, shoulders, back and chest)

It seems us older women tend to cover up too much. And gosh darn it, older men don’t like that. We come off as closed off and keeping our date at arm’s length.

Honestly guys, if you’re going to let a sweater keep you from good conversation and getting to know someone, you have more issues than I have. There is only so much ‘Men are visual’ I can take as an excuse.

Be more feminine and wear heels and dresses on your dates.

Can you see why these articles make me throw up a little bit? This is NOT the 1950’s. I am not going full out in a dress and heels to walk on the beach and get coffee. For most women, the type of date sets the attire. This why women always want to know what the plans are. We don’t want wear high heels to go to a football game, or show up in ratty jeans for a night out dancing. Yeah, we’re complicated creatures, but at least we wear clean socks.

Lean forward and engage your date in conversation.

To me this the big ‘Well, duh’ statement. However, a conversation needs two people or others may suggest you get medication. Have you ever met someone for a coffee date and they sit there like a lump on a log? No matter much you chat and ask questions, you get a whole lot of nada back. Yeah, those are fun.

Mostly, at least for me, the challenge is finding the older man (and I don’t mean older than I am – just sorta in my age range) that hasn’t gotten all fuddy and overly serious. If he can’t handle that I wore a sweater on first date, or declined to wear heels, or that I have gargoyles and a map of Middle Earth, then I guess I’ll keep looking.

I am okay being alone. Well, except for the talking to myself part.

Questions From The Dating Site

Published January 30, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

25-questions-to-ask-ts

It’s that time once again. Time to see how many times I can be rejected by men I don’t know and will never meet. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? I need to work on my game show host voice.

To be fair, I know pretty much what is going to happen going in. I don’t expect to meet anyone, really. I have met a few very nice men through dating sites, but no one who has been ‘the guy’. I list the dating site in my ‘Entertainment’ bookmarks because all in all, I do find it entertaining.

What I will never, ever understand is you men and your approach to dating. Especially online dating. Is there something about online dating that makes you kinda stupid? I am over fifty and I tend to expect the men in my age range to have a little going on than a twenty year old. How silly of me.

These are actual questions sent to me by men looking ‘get to know me’.

U R pretty. U have a really nice smile. I think we have a chance at a long-term relationship.

I have to say that I abhor the use of letters for words. My issue completely. But I am pretty sure a nice smile isn’t the basis for a long-term relationship.

I want to get to know you. Tell me all about your childhood.

Uh. No. And why would you ever ask that right off the bat? That’s just creepy.

Do you like oral pleasure? (after a handful of communication back and forth)

Chocolate cake and silk pies are good. (Yup. That was my response)

I’m in the military, serving in Afganistan. Do you like men in unform?

I may, but I find it odd that you are in the military when your profile says you use a cane and sometimes a wheelchair due your cerebral palsy. (I was blocked by this user when I asked him what time it was in Afganistan)

How tall are you?

I am the same height I listed on my profile. Do you guys ever actually read those things?

Why are you single?

I don’t know. Maybe I can’t find someone who engages in actual conversation without making references to sex in every other message. Why are you single? That street goes both ways.

What are your interests?

Again, the main ones are listed in my profile. In fact, there is a whole section that is nothing but a list of interests. Seriously, you guys need to read these things.

Yes, I am serious. These are messages I have received by men looking for a date or a wife. So far, I have a whole lot of WTF? going on in my head. Who would ask these kinds of questions? Would you ask this crap to my face if you met me on the street? It’s sad and amusing at the same time.

I know I am not a good match for the typical man in his fifties or early sixties. I’m a little odd. I like a lot of different things. I’m pretty intelligent (well, most of the time). I love superhero movies and make after life fairies for my friends. I have gargoyles (uh, not ones that fly, just small figurines). I think a fun date is making Lego people from a big bin of Lego people parts. I listen to music made after 1980.

I know. Where the hell do I get off being so flippin’ interesting?

 

The Dating Challenge

Published June 28, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

perfect-man3001

 

Not long ago I wrote a post about dating again. Well, thinking about dating again. After a perusal of the single’s posts on Craigslist, I figured I was better off alone. The perusal of Craigslist was mostly for entertainment. I am always amazed at the demands people make when looking a significant other. It is no wonder that people are alone. Seriously, it’s a bit scary.

After reading that post, a friend noted that I ought to make a blog style post about who I would be looking for (if I were looking). I live alone, I have no friends to hang out with here, so sometimes I get lonely and think (for a millisecond or two) about dating again. She mentioned that there may, indeed, be a man looking for me out there in the vast, endless aether.

Since it is Monday night and all of my programs have ended for the season, I thought I’d give it whirl. Even though I figure I have not the chance of a snowball in a lake of fire at this point in my life (my situation simply does not holler ‘great catch’), what the heck. It’ll be fun.

Ready?

Tallish. I am tall and I prefer a man my height or taller. I have dated men shorter than myself, but I do prefer one on the tall side (5’10” or taller). For the record, I am 5’10” tall. Really. Even the doctor said so at my check-up a month or so ago.

An adult with a child’s awe. This does not mean an adult who thinks not paying the electric bill and buying a ski-doo instead is okay. This means someone who pays the bills on time, but still finds child-like fun in everyday things. Like standing in the Lego store building Lego people from the big play bin of Lego bits.

Is a fan, but not fanatical. I love Star Trek, but I don’t know, nor care, how bathrooms the Enterprise has. I love the Klingons, but I don’t speak Klingon. I love superhero movies, but I am not a comic book reader. I have a lot of different interests, but I am not fanatical about any of them.

Speaking interests, he ought to have several of different ones. I am intrigued by things I see in passing and will go research them out of curiosity. We don’t have to share interests across the board, but a wide variety and the ability to be open to new ones are a positive trait. So, I guess, in a nutshell, he ought to be curious about the world.

Dressing up. No, not suit and tie for a fancy dinner. More like the money is there to hit the local Ren Faire and he is all about YES!, What do we wear? (meaning going in costume). And being willing to entertain the idea of a comic-con as the world oldest dragon slayer and warrior. You know, having fun. In costume.

Oh, and if his heritage even hints at a kilt (and he has the legs for it) will wear one. In public. Like to the Ren Faire.

I have an interest in the paranormal. I don’t mind if he does not, but don’t please let me have my fun and don’t tell me it’s all bunk. If I want to grab my friend and go ghost hunting, sigh, shake your head and wish me luck.

The package is not as important as the contents. I am a little fatter than I ought to be. I am also 57 years old and losing weight is difficult. I am never going to be 150 pounds again. Let’s be realistic about looks here. I don’t need a stereo-typical prince charming, and he shouldn’t need a trophy on his arm.

Humor. Honestly, if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? I have a goofy mind that flips to the odd thing quite often. Over the years I have learned to mostly keep the comments to my inside voice.  Such as seeing one of my bosses cranking his middle up and me thinking he really doesn’t look like Starlord. Or renting a port-a-potti to Allan Berry, putting into the computer as Berry, Allan and wondering if he’ll use it in flash. Yeah, some of you won’t get that.

He can accept people for who they are inside. I am tired of hate. I don’t give a rats behind about sexual orientation, religion, skin colour, etc. I won’t be someone who can’t see past his own nose to who the person is inside.

He wants a partner, not a maid or cook. I am not into gender roles. We can both cook and clean or figure out who does what best or likes doing (or doesn’t mind doing) certain chores around the house. If he is expecting me to cook every night, he’s gonna get really hungry.

Dogs. I have dogs. I will always have dogs. Animals in general. Gotta like ’em.

And, lastly, someone in my own age range. I am not looking to date someone 10 years younger, nor 10 years older. Younger is fine, older is fine, but let’s keep it somewhere in the middle. No 30 year olds, please.

I think that’s the gist of it. I’m sure I left a few things out. It’s a guide, a wish list, a whatever. You get the idea. What the heck, it can’t hurt to dream.

 

Oh, and don’t forget to share:

gofund.me/27y7hvg

Thank you!

 

A Gentle Reminder

Published June 11, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

fisher6

 

From time to time I think about having a male companion in my life. It would be nice to have someone to go out with and share things with, someone to cuddle up on the sofa with. When I get this feeling, all I have to do is go to Craigslist and I am reminded instantly why I prefer to be alone.

There are an amazing number of married men looking for affairs. They claim everything from a wife who works too many hours to a wife who hates sex. I often wonder why the wife hates sex. Perhaps, gentleman, it is not sex she hates, only sex with you. Not to mention that there are no reasons you guys can come up with that will ever justify cheating on your wife. None. If you are not happy, leave.

I live in ****** but I can travel during the day. I’m married. I’m seeking a great lover and friend to keep for a long time if we can make it work. I have a busy schedule but not to busy not to make time for your attention and passion.
Perhaps if you put this much time and energy into your marriage, it would be a happy one. Ever think of that? No, I didn’t think so. Oh he includes a photo of himself in his briefs showing off his man bulge. Ew.

Then there are the men who want very specific things.

This guy claims to be a REAL man:

I desire an amazing bond with a grace-filled, non-bratty/princess-type female who craves learning about or being very submissive. I seek an amazing, LTR with a female who cherishes and craves My intellect, advice, wisdom, tenderness and My naturally dominant nature.

And he signs this ‘Your Sir’.

While this may be a matter of taste, it does not ring as something a REAL man would look for. If you are, indeed, a ‘real’ man, wouldn’t you prefer someone who you feel is equal to you? Someone who is with you because they choose to be, not because you make them feel they have to be? Oh, and this guy also wants a younger woman. You know, one he can train.

And there are these guys. The men who insist his woman be in perfect shape, not matter what her age.

And if you’ve let yourself go to the point of embracing the whole oxymoron of BBW, there’s little chance for us. You’ve maintained as I have to keep a reasonably fit body. Passing up those Twinkies is paying off now. Now might be the time to say I’m a smoker albeit a considerate one. Never indoors or near those who don’t smoke. Yet another red flag…

This guy says he is 58. I have to be shape and take care of myself, but he can smoke. The last I heard, smoking wasn’t good for you. So not only do I have to be in shape for him, but I have to either put up with his smoking, or smoke myself. And I am not giving up my Twinkies. Oh wait. I don’t like Twinkies.

There is a guy who has run the same ad for years. Yes, I said years. He lays out exactly who he is looking for – her height, hair colour, eye colour, figure proportions, likes and dislikes. His list is very long, and very complete. I give him kudos for knowing what he wants, but at the same time it gives me chills. It always reads like he trying to replace someone with the exact same model year. Fella, we are not cars. We are all delightfully different.

Many of the men in my age range are looking for a woman in her 20’s or 30’s. These guys always strike me the stereotypical mid-life crisis men trying desperately to turn the clock back to when they were young and more care-free. They won’t even consider a woman their own age range. Probably because we won’t put with their bull shit.

Thank you, Men of Craigslist. You have saved me from listening to how I am not perfect. How I am too tall or too fat or too old. How my hair is too short, or I am too weird, or too loud, or too not-looking-like-Farrah Fawcett-in-the-80’s- when-I-am-57.

It good to remember that I am strong enough, funny enough, smart enough, weird enough and so completely out of your sorry league.

I am perfectly fine the way I am, and you guys can’t be bothered to see that, that’s fine with me.