I Gotta Ask – What’s Up With You Men?

Published February 22, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

unhappy man asking question are you talking to me?


As the dating site plods along, I find new and no-so-exciting comments and exchanges going on. I am truly baffled by some of the exchanges. I can not see how these men who contact me are actually looking for a relationship. Their conduct is less than becoming. The things they have to say to person they don’t know is amazing – and a little disgusting at times.

Now, I am not saying all men behave this way. I know a lot of very nice men who are also rather appalled the things I have shared with them. I am not saying women never do these things. We are humans and there are the good ones, the bad ones, and the outright disgusting ones regardless gender. I can’t see how gay people have it any better, as people are people and your sexual orientation doesn’t change that. Us singletons are all in this together.

I had gotten a note from a man who seemed nice at first, then began the sexual questions. I cut him off – thanks but no thanks. It seemed we were done.

He sent another note asking for a second chance. He apologized for inappropriate questions claiming he was flirting and had done a poor job of it. Since he had apologized, I agreed to give him a second chance. We wrote back and forth, then we talked on the phone. We hit a stumbling block when he defended the now famous locker room talk by our now president. He went on to say that all men do that, and how the men he works with do this all the time. He told me they always run down each other’s girlfriends and wives, often graphically.

Okay. Ew. If you do that, just don’t tell me about it. What this says to me is:

I can’t trust you to have my back. You let your friends tear me apart when I am not there, plus you participate in that behavior.

After another spat about differences in opinions, I ended the conversations. We were not suited to each other. I told him he may be a great guy, just not a great guy for me.

See, I was nice.

After that, I decided to change my profile and username. I deleted my account and set a new one. I re-wrote my ‘about me’ section and concentrated on the things I really wanted to find.

I got a note from a new guy who began as nice and turned creepy in three exchanges.

Him: I’d like to meet you.

Me: How about meet for tea this weekend?

Him: I desire more than tea.

Me: Speak your piece.

Him: I want to get acquainted. Hold hands. Do you like kissing? Show me.

Show me? Show you what? Oh ew!! Just EW! We are meeting for a beverage, perhaps a snack. That IS how you get acquainted!! What hell is wrong with you? Where is the ‘OMG DISGUSTING’ emoji?

In the meantime, the first man found me again and wanted to try one more time. He stated he was drunk when he made some of the statements he had made, that his drinking was becoming a problem and he needed to cut back on it. Then he asked a sexually explicit question because somehow, with a new username, I was suddenly alright with that.

I’m sure I am not alone when I ask – What’s up, guys? What’s up the disgusting behavior? Is it so difficult to just talk to a woman? Do you have to add sexual innuendo when talking to someone you don’t know? Is this a new thing? Did I miss a memo somewhere?

I may have to rethink this online thing. Perhaps dating altogether.


4 comments on “I Gotta Ask – What’s Up With You Men?

  • Some men definitely act very immaturely online… but persevere, as there are good ones out there too! Maybe state more clearly in your profile that you’re not interested in casual hook ups or flirty messages, & don’t interact any more as soon as someone tries to take it that way? It’s a great medium to practice assertiveness 🙂

  • I’m loving these dating posts! I was thinking of signing up on the dating site again after a loooong break from it but after reading your last few posts I’m re-thinking it! I’ve had some of the same-type jokers messaging me. You just have to keep raking through millions of weeds before you come across a flower!

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