When You’re Older, Dating Isn’t a Breeze

Published February 7, 2017 by mindfulofchatter



I have been on online dating sites on and off since my marriage ended seven years ago. I am over fifty, not super skinny, nor a bombshell, though I am blonde.

I admit to being not the average 57 year-old looking for a date and potential relationship. I am long over picking up socks, cooking every meal, and knowing everyone else’s stuff is. This not Leave It To Beaver nor is it Father Knows Best, and I am not Donna Reed. I don’t think I even own a string of pearls. Hhmmmm…

There a lot of men out there who claim to not be looking for a Donna Reed, and who claim to want more from a relationship than the standard marriage/relationship fare. For those who DO want all of the above, good for you. There are women out there who want that too. You just gotta find each other.

But I am a force all my own, with odder hobbies and not-so-grown-up tastes unlike those of Better Homes and Garden. Sure, I want a nice home. But there will be gargoyles lurking in the corners and in the garden.

In a small effort on my part (very small because these things tend to make me throw up a little in my mouth), I read a couple of articles on older women and dating. And yeah, I threw up a little in my mouth.

The couple of articles that I read all the way through had some advice for us older gals on the prowl. Or the creak, as it may be. A few points stuck out to me.

Show more décolletage. (Décolletage is fancy term for neck, shoulders, back and chest)

It seems us older women tend to cover up too much. And gosh darn it, older men don’t like that. We come off as closed off and keeping our date at arm’s length.

Honestly guys, if you’re going to let a sweater keep you from good conversation and getting to know someone, you have more issues than I have. There is only so much ‘Men are visual’ I can take as an excuse.

Be more feminine and wear heels and dresses on your dates.

Can you see why these articles make me throw up a little bit? This is NOT the 1950’s. I am not going full out in a dress and heels to walk on the beach and get coffee. For most women, the type of date sets the attire. This why women always want to know what the plans are. We don’t want wear high heels to go to a football game, or show up in ratty jeans for a night out dancing. Yeah, we’re complicated creatures, but at least we wear clean socks.

Lean forward and engage your date in conversation.

To me this the big ‘Well, duh’ statement. However, a conversation needs two people or others may suggest you get medication. Have you ever met someone for a coffee date and they sit there like a lump on a log? No matter much you chat and ask questions, you get a whole lot of nada back. Yeah, those are fun.

Mostly, at least for me, the challenge is finding the older man (and I don’t mean older than I am – just sorta in my age range) that hasn’t gotten all fuddy and overly serious. If he can’t handle that I wore a sweater on first date, or declined to wear heels, or that I have gargoyles and a map of Middle Earth, then I guess I’ll keep looking.

I am okay being alone. Well, except for the talking to myself part.


5 comments on “When You’re Older, Dating Isn’t a Breeze

  • Lol- ignore all those dumb bits of advice! Good on you for getting out there and just being yourself 🙂 I’m just about to post about my over-50 online dating advice, and it seems like you’re well onto it anyway. Good luck from Australia 🙂

  • Lol! Yes, I threw up a bit, as well, when reading the 1950’s style advice – I’m still amazed when I (accidentally) read those suggestions, positively archaic! Women no longer have to “catch” a man. Entice a husband. Online dating can be fun, especially around the holidays. I learned HOW to date in my 30’s and 40’s thanks to Match.com! I had never learned how to say “I had a great time but I’m not interested in another date” “you’re a great guy, just not for me” – best of luck!

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