Archives

All posts for the month February, 2017

Chuckin’ In The Towel – Again

Published February 28, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

towel

After re-writing, re-tooling, re-anything I could think of, I once again deleted my dating profile. I am not getting the results I had hoped for, let alone the results the dating site(s) promise. They promise loosely, of course. It’s not hard line promise. Okay, it isn’t a promise of any kind, it’s just the usual spiel to get people in.

And now I am out.

I’ve had it the men who can’t figure things out. Simple things, such as you live 2500 miles away and a relationship isn’t going to happen, I don’t want to date someone with a drinking problem, or a smoker, or a person who can’t answer a simple question. Little things, such as my personal views on sex and sexual preferences are none of your damn business after only two e-mails. Plus, I can not get a feel for someone who writes three or four word e-mails – every time.

Him: Hi. How are you?

Me: I am doing well. How are you?

Him: Doing good.

Me: That’s good to hear. Have you been doing anything interesting? I began a new job the other day.

Him: No. Nothing interesting.

Me: What do you do for fun? (chat chat chat)

Him: I am Spanish American.

Me: Are both your parents from Spain? (chat chat chat)

Him: My father is.

Me: And your mother? My mom’s grandfather came over from Germany. (chat chat chat)

Him: She from the island.

The island? What island? Where? I never found out what island his mother is from because I gave up. I got tired of trying to pull a conversation out of him. This man’s profile claims him to be outgoing. Oh, and (chat chat chat) means I wrote more conversational lines.

If you guys can’t be bothered to make an effort, or just want to be slime balls, that’s fine. But count me out.

Part of the frustration is the old double standard is still alive and well. The guys can be a little chubby, have a receding hairline, and wear thick glasses. But I have to be slim, athletic, and be ‘feminine’ – whatever that means. If I can’t be pretty enough, or skinny enough, right off the bat, I am passed over. Men are visual, I’m told. What a stupid ass excuse for judging someone only by their appearance. And yes, we all do that to a certain extent, but in all honesty, women are often more accepting of less handsome men than the other way ’round.

And, apparently, the whole Lego thing is beyond everyone’s comprehension. Well, those in the over 50 crowd.

It seems I will dance along solo for a while longer. And that’s okay with me. I don’t need a man in my life to be happy (which, oddly, seems to be part of the problem).

I’ll be over here, having fun, if anyone should wish to give me a ring.

 

I Gotta Ask – What’s Up With You Men?

Published February 22, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

unhappy man asking question are you talking to me?

 

As the dating site plods along, I find new and no-so-exciting comments and exchanges going on. I am truly baffled by some of the exchanges. I can not see how these men who contact me are actually looking for a relationship. Their conduct is less than becoming. The things they have to say to person they don’t know is amazing – and a little disgusting at times.

Now, I am not saying all men behave this way. I know a lot of very nice men who are also rather appalled the things I have shared with them. I am not saying women never do these things. We are humans and there are the good ones, the bad ones, and the outright disgusting ones regardless gender. I can’t see how gay people have it any better, as people are people and your sexual orientation doesn’t change that. Us singletons are all in this together.

I had gotten a note from a man who seemed nice at first, then began the sexual questions. I cut him off – thanks but no thanks. It seemed we were done.

He sent another note asking for a second chance. He apologized for inappropriate questions claiming he was flirting and had done a poor job of it. Since he had apologized, I agreed to give him a second chance. We wrote back and forth, then we talked on the phone. We hit a stumbling block when he defended the now famous locker room talk by our now president. He went on to say that all men do that, and how the men he works with do this all the time. He told me they always run down each other’s girlfriends and wives, often graphically.

Okay. Ew. If you do that, just don’t tell me about it. What this says to me is:

I can’t trust you to have my back. You let your friends tear me apart when I am not there, plus you participate in that behavior.

After another spat about differences in opinions, I ended the conversations. We were not suited to each other. I told him he may be a great guy, just not a great guy for me.

See, I was nice.

After that, I decided to change my profile and username. I deleted my account and set a new one. I re-wrote my ‘about me’ section and concentrated on the things I really wanted to find.

I got a note from a new guy who began as nice and turned creepy in three exchanges.

Him: I’d like to meet you.

Me: How about meet for tea this weekend?

Him: I desire more than tea.

Me: Speak your piece.

Him: I want to get acquainted. Hold hands. Do you like kissing? Show me.

Show me? Show you what? Oh ew!! Just EW! We are meeting for a beverage, perhaps a snack. That IS how you get acquainted!! What hell is wrong with you? Where is the ‘OMG DISGUSTING’ emoji?

In the meantime, the first man found me again and wanted to try one more time. He stated he was drunk when he made some of the statements he had made, that his drinking was becoming a problem and he needed to cut back on it. Then he asked a sexually explicit question because somehow, with a new username, I was suddenly alright with that.

I’m sure I am not alone when I ask – What’s up, guys? What’s up the disgusting behavior? Is it so difficult to just talk to a woman? Do you have to add sexual innuendo when talking to someone you don’t know? Is this a new thing? Did I miss a memo somewhere?

I may have to rethink this online thing. Perhaps dating altogether.

In Search Of

Published February 20, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

Businesswoman standing on a ladder looking through binoculars

A friend of mine, who is also single, female and over fifty, recently posted;

ISO (in search of): Ethics, morals and integrity. Non smoker, non drinker and no drugs. Truck, tractor and tiller in very good working condition. Farm life background-knows how to set posts and fix horse fence. Must love good food, sassy conversation and me.

This made me think about what I am in search of. Only mine went sorta like this;

Must play with Legos, have a sense of humor, likes gargoyles, dragons….

It seems I’m looking for a 12-year-old.

The truth is I want most of the same things my friend wants. I just want a little more fun and less tractor/tiller/fencing. I used have the sort of life, and I loved it then, but it isn’t what I want now.

When you are older and dating, the rules change. They can’t help but change. We are no longer in our twenties with an entire life stretching before us. Most people over 50 are looking for someone settled in, secure, mature and who has made it past coloured building blocks.

I, however, still find joy in a lot things I ought to have out grown by now. I have gargoyles, a couple of dragons (Uh, not real ones. All that breathing fire leaves too ash to clean up) and few other things that may be viewed as immature. You know what is a complete blast? Digging in huge bin of Lego people parts building your own Lego dude (or dudette). You know who won’t do that without kids or grandkids present? The majority of men over fifty. Maybe even over forty.

I like the Marvel movies, Doctor Who, a little candy goth, a little steampunk, the list goes on. But the point is – I am not dead. I still want to play a little. So what if I’m the oldest person in the world in Hot Topic? I like Hot Topic. I enjoy looking the clothing and sometimes I buy a Doctor Who toy. Sometimes I buy a shirt. Why? Because I like it. It makes me laugh. Sometimes I put bright colours in my hair. They wash out, but they are fun. You remember fun, right?

I also like museums, classical music, theatre, BBC programs, diners, walking and other more grown up activities.

But the other side of that silly stuff coin IS  finding someone who is also responsible, ethical, has integrity, doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t drink himself stupid every chance he gets.

It’s a balance that is tough to find. Perhaps impossible. But I will keep bouncing along hoping that other oddball is out there. And, you know, single and age appropriate. Perhaps one day our eyes will meet over the Lego bin as we reach for the same Lego arm.

Excuse me now, I need to hit the nearest Lego store.

Good Gosh I love a Good Comment

Published February 17, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

From time to time I look at the spam comments. Most are simply companies trying to get a shout out on the blog site. Why they choose my dippy little blog is beyond me, however, this one came to my ‘moderate this comment’ folder:

 

I together with my friends were found to be looking at the best procedures on the blog and all of the sudden I had a horrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those techniques. These men happened to be consequently warmed to read them and have in effect seriously been taking pleasure in these things. Appreciate your really being simply accommodating as well as for figuring out varieties of cool guides most people are really desirous to know about. Our own sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

 

I’m really not sure what is being said here (kind of like some of the dating site comments), but if the men are enjoying these ‘techniques’ will good for them! I shall consequently try to keep my techniques accommodating, and the guides cool for those who are desirous to know about them.

Apology accepted.

 

 

How Do I Know?

Published February 15, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

With my move I had sold my bed set to a work mate who needed it. She was just coming back from 4 years of being homeless and desperately needed furniture. I wasn’t sure where I would be, so bringing a bed and nightstand seemed to be unnecessary. Her need was greater than my own, and I had my trusty air mattress to get me by.

Once my roommate and I were more or less settled in our apartment, I decided to see if I could find a cheap platform and mattress. I was going to downsize from the queen, but a twin seemed too small. I settled on a full-size. I figured saving the 10 inches overall would help with the small bedroom size, and I could still manage my queen sheet set on the smaller mattress until I could find the proper sized sheets.

I found, and ordered a full size platform bed on Amazon. It was inexpensive, and quite plain but was tall enough to store things underneath it – a boon when you have very limited storage. This is a no frills kind of frame. Here is part of the product description:

  • Complete mattress support system-replacing both the frame & box spring.
  • Easy to assemble-in minutes-no tools required.
  • 14 wooden slats, center support bar and seven foldable legs provide strength and stability.
  • 12.5 inches of clearance under the frame for valuable under bed storage space
  • 14″ H x 57″W x 75″L

Amazon will ask you if you are willing to answer questions about the 14″ smart base bed frame. They also ask you to review it. I did a review because I know that well written reviews help me when I am buying online. I did my best to give an honest review on the appearance, the assembly,  etc.. I also agreed to answer questions from other shoppers.

And the fun began. It seems the actually reading the product details is a bit too much for most people.

How tall is this bed frame?

I dunno. I’m guessing the 14″ bed frame is 14″ tall. ( I said it nicer in real life, but still, the product title is 14″ platform bed frame.)

How tall is the storage underneath?

I’m guessing it’s 12.5″ – as stated in the description.

Do the wooden slats come with it?

Yes. Yes, they do. It even tells you they do. You know, in the description.

Is there a center leg?

Yes, there is. You will find it in the part of the description that says ‘center leg’.

From the blatant, obvious questions about the things that are clearly stated in the product description and product headline, we then moved to the you-must-have-esp questions.

Will this bed frame fit inside my queen water bed frame?

First off, how in the hell would I know? I don’t know you, I haven’t seen your bloody bed frame, nor do I know the measurements of it.

Will this fit inside my king bed frame and can it be used as a box spring?

Again, how would I know? How would anyone reading your question know? Are you incapable of using a tape measure? But yes, it will replace your box spring.

If I use my current mattress, will it fit on this frame?

I don’t know. What size is your current mattress?

Can I store my things under this bed frame?

I suppose so. It says you can. I store some of my things under it. But it really comes down  to  what sort of ‘things’ you are wanting to store?

And the one rather scary question:

Can I put a mattress on the floor under this bed frame for a guest?

Uh. Uh. You know  actually someone who could fit on a mattress under a bed with only 12.5″ of clearance?

Looking back the 300+ questions and answers about this particular product, I began to wonder if people can read at all. Mostly, I think people are just plain lazy. There many repeated questions, many of which are answered in the product description. This is a platform smart base. No frills, folks. All it does is hold your mattress up off the floor.

If you need to ask a question about an online product, PLEASE, read the FULL description first. Your answer may be there. If not, remember the kind folks who have agreed to answer your questions don’t know anything about your current furniture. We don’t know you, we can’t see your bedroom furniture, and unless you give us all the information, we can’t help you.

And please keep the scarier questions to yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When You’re Older, Dating Isn’t a Breeze

Published February 7, 2017 by mindfulofchatter

tenent

 

I have been on online dating sites on and off since my marriage ended seven years ago. I am over fifty, not super skinny, nor a bombshell, though I am blonde.

I admit to being not the average 57 year-old looking for a date and potential relationship. I am long over picking up socks, cooking every meal, and knowing everyone else’s stuff is. This not Leave It To Beaver nor is it Father Knows Best, and I am not Donna Reed. I don’t think I even own a string of pearls. Hhmmmm…

There a lot of men out there who claim to not be looking for a Donna Reed, and who claim to want more from a relationship than the standard marriage/relationship fare. For those who DO want all of the above, good for you. There are women out there who want that too. You just gotta find each other.

But I am a force all my own, with odder hobbies and not-so-grown-up tastes unlike those of Better Homes and Garden. Sure, I want a nice home. But there will be gargoyles lurking in the corners and in the garden.

In a small effort on my part (very small because these things tend to make me throw up a little in my mouth), I read a couple of articles on older women and dating. And yeah, I threw up a little in my mouth.

The couple of articles that I read all the way through had some advice for us older gals on the prowl. Or the creak, as it may be. A few points stuck out to me.

Show more décolletage. (Décolletage is fancy term for neck, shoulders, back and chest)

It seems us older women tend to cover up too much. And gosh darn it, older men don’t like that. We come off as closed off and keeping our date at arm’s length.

Honestly guys, if you’re going to let a sweater keep you from good conversation and getting to know someone, you have more issues than I have. There is only so much ‘Men are visual’ I can take as an excuse.

Be more feminine and wear heels and dresses on your dates.

Can you see why these articles make me throw up a little bit? This is NOT the 1950’s. I am not going full out in a dress and heels to walk on the beach and get coffee. For most women, the type of date sets the attire. This why women always want to know what the plans are. We don’t want wear high heels to go to a football game, or show up in ratty jeans for a night out dancing. Yeah, we’re complicated creatures, but at least we wear clean socks.

Lean forward and engage your date in conversation.

To me this the big ‘Well, duh’ statement. However, a conversation needs two people or others may suggest you get medication. Have you ever met someone for a coffee date and they sit there like a lump on a log? No matter much you chat and ask questions, you get a whole lot of nada back. Yeah, those are fun.

Mostly, at least for me, the challenge is finding the older man (and I don’t mean older than I am – just sorta in my age range) that hasn’t gotten all fuddy and overly serious. If he can’t handle that I wore a sweater on first date, or declined to wear heels, or that I have gargoyles and a map of Middle Earth, then I guess I’ll keep looking.

I am okay being alone. Well, except for the talking to myself part.