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All posts for the month June, 2016

The Dating Challenge

Published June 28, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

perfect-man3001

 

Not long ago I wrote a post about dating again. Well, thinking about dating again. After a perusal of the single’s posts on Craigslist, I figured I was better off alone. The perusal of Craigslist was mostly for entertainment. I am always amazed at the demands people make when looking a significant other. It is no wonder that people are alone. Seriously, it’s a bit scary.

After reading that post, a friend noted that I ought to make a blog style post about who I would be looking for (if I were looking). I live alone, I have no friends to hang out with here, so sometimes I get lonely and think (for a millisecond or two) about dating again. She mentioned that there may, indeed, be a man looking for me out there in the vast, endless aether.

Since it is Monday night and all of my programs have ended for the season, I thought I’d give it whirl. Even though I figure I have not the chance of a snowball in a lake of fire at this point in my life (my situation simply does not holler ‘great catch’), what the heck. It’ll be fun.

Ready?

Tallish. I am tall and I prefer a man my height or taller. I have dated men shorter than myself, but I do prefer one on the tall side (5’10” or taller). For the record, I am 5’10” tall. Really. Even the doctor said so at my check-up a month or so ago.

An adult with a child’s awe. This does not mean an adult who thinks not paying the electric bill and buying a ski-doo instead is okay. This means someone who pays the bills on time, but still finds child-like fun in everyday things. Like standing in the Lego store building Lego people from the big play bin of Lego bits.

Is a fan, but not fanatical. I love Star Trek, but I don’t know, nor care, how bathrooms the Enterprise has. I love the Klingons, but I don’t speak Klingon. I love superhero movies, but I am not a comic book reader. I have a lot of different interests, but I am not fanatical about any of them.

Speaking interests, he ought to have several of different ones. I am intrigued by things I see in passing and will go research them out of curiosity. We don’t have to share interests across the board, but a wide variety and the ability to be open to new ones are a positive trait. So, I guess, in a nutshell, he ought to be curious about the world.

Dressing up. No, not suit and tie for a fancy dinner. More like the money is there to hit the local Ren Faire and he is all about YES!, What do we wear? (meaning going in costume). And being willing to entertain the idea of a comic-con as the world oldest dragon slayer and warrior. You know, having fun. In costume.

Oh, and if his heritage even hints at a kilt (and he has the legs for it) will wear one. In public. Like to the Ren Faire.

I have an interest in the paranormal. I don’t mind if he does not, but don’t please let me have my fun and don’t tell me it’s all bunk. If I want to grab my friend and go ghost hunting, sigh, shake your head and wish me luck.

The package is not as important as the contents. I am a little fatter than I ought to be. I am also 57 years old and losing weight is difficult. I am never going to be 150 pounds again. Let’s be realistic about looks here. I don’t need a stereo-typical prince charming, and he shouldn’t need a trophy on his arm.

Humor. Honestly, if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? I have a goofy mind that flips to the odd thing quite often. Over the years I have learned to mostly keep the comments to my inside voice.  Such as seeing one of my bosses cranking his middle up and me thinking he really doesn’t look like Starlord. Or renting a port-a-potti to Allan Berry, putting into the computer as Berry, Allan and wondering if he’ll use it in flash. Yeah, some of you won’t get that.

He can accept people for who they are inside. I am tired of hate. I don’t give a rats behind about sexual orientation, religion, skin colour, etc. I won’t be someone who can’t see past his own nose to who the person is inside.

He wants a partner, not a maid or cook. I am not into gender roles. We can both cook and clean or figure out who does what best or likes doing (or doesn’t mind doing) certain chores around the house. If he is expecting me to cook every night, he’s gonna get really hungry.

Dogs. I have dogs. I will always have dogs. Animals in general. Gotta like ’em.

And, lastly, someone in my own age range. I am not looking to date someone 10 years younger, nor 10 years older. Younger is fine, older is fine, but let’s keep it somewhere in the middle. No 30 year olds, please.

I think that’s the gist of it. I’m sure I left a few things out. It’s a guide, a wish list, a whatever. You get the idea. What the heck, it can’t hurt to dream.

 

Oh, and don’t forget to share:

gofund.me/27y7hvg

Thank you!

 

Preparations

Published June 20, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

Highway Signpost "Downsizing - Straight Ahead"

 

It is an odd thing to begin to prepare to be homeless and live in an RV. There are things to be done and decisions to be made. Having a home for the entirety of ones life means there is a lot of downsizing to do.

Over the years I have downsized quite a bit simply because I got tired of hauling so much stuff with me. Having less feels lighter. Once you downsize, you find you don’t need things any longer. It feels good.

Now I have to decide what I can keep and what I can’t. What is important, and what is just stuff.

Of all of my furniture, there is only one piece I loath to sell. My desk was my mother’s desk. It is called an organ desk because it was made into a desk from the shell of a small organ or piano forte. It looks exactly like some of the piano fortes you see in period films. My mother found it in some little antique shop and had it refinished. It is odd and beautiful. It one of the few things I have from her. But it won’t fit in an RV. All in all, it’s just a desk, but I will miss it.

My things, my stuff, my set-abouts all have to be packed into something small enough to fit in an RV storage space. I have all ready whittled them down to things I cherish most. I cleaned out my fabric stash and that is down to one medium-sized bin. I doubt that will come with me, but the other medium-sized bin is the one that hold my stuff. All of my stuff must fit in that bin, or it goes. I am a good packer, so I think very little will go to the wayside. I am glad I did sort through and donate not long ago.

There things that will need to go to my children because I can’t keep them. Family photos, my father’s medals and other family items that need to be passed along will be passed along sooner than I thought they would. No worries, I am the only one who had children and my sisters have no interest in these things.

Artwork, posters, antique photos, antique fashion plates – all the things the decorate my walls will have to face some sort of sort and sell music. Some I will not part with quite yet and will have to pack carefully. Others will be given to friends I know will love them and appreciate them.

My sewing machines will be one of the toughest things to decide on. I know there won’t be room for both the sewing machine and the serger. There may not be room for either one. I won’t know until I find a vehicle and can see how much room there is. The cutting table, the dress form most of my craft and sewing stash will have to go. I know this. I don’t like it, but I know there won’t be room.

I appreciate those who have shared, and those who have donated. Every small donation works towards the larger goal. A friend of mine shared my gofundme with a group that has 10,000 members. Ten thousand! To think that is each person donated $2, I would be well on my way to my new home. That is mind-boggling indeed!

Please continue to share:

gofund.me/27y7hvg

Thank you all so very much. I appreciate it, and so do the dogs. Well, the dogs just want to eat and ride in car. I can only imagine an RV will be heaven for them.

Home and travel all in one.

 

 

Hate

Published June 16, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

I have been thinking quite a bit about what happened in Orlando. I’ve read a few good blog posts about the shooter, the victims, and the families and friends touched by the violence. It was stomach dropping to read on Facebook that one of my friends was safe. No one should ever have to read that on social media.

And all the while I don’t understand.

I don’t understand hate to that degree. How can a person hate another person so strongly based on such things as skin colour, religion or sexual orientation? Those things are superficial. They are not the basis for the human encased within that package. They have nothing to do with character, kindness or the  ability to love.

The history of humans is well steeped in violence against itself for these very same things. Millions of human lives have been taken in the name of hate for someone who was different in some way. All these centuries later, and we still have not learned to simply accept another person as they are. I am not saying agree with, or even like, that person. Simply accept them as they are. There is no need to be hateful, to name call, to be rude, to throw things. And there is never a reason to kill someone.

So I do not understand.

I have a friend who listens to and plays and a type of music I do not care for. I do not always agree with this persons view. But I still count this person as a friend. I do not hate this person for their music or their views. We are simply people with different tastes and different points of view.

So I don’t understand.

I once had a co-worker who would come up ask questions like ‘If you were a unicorn, what colour would you be?’. A lot of people didn’t like her. I found her fun. We were assigned to work together one day. We were laughing and talking and having one heck of a grand time. Someone came up asked us what we were talking about, we were having so much fun. Religion, we chimed back. The asker was taken aback. How could we be having so much fun talking religion??!??!! We were exchanging ideas, talking about alternate views, different ways to think about certain aspects of common beliefs. We were listening, discussing and sharing. Neither of us demanding the other change how they thought or what they believed.

So I don’t understand.

I read that a ‘church’ group is planning on picketing the funerals of those killed in Orlando. They plan to this because of their own hate. They seem to think that they can show the world they are right and everyone else is wrong, when all they are doing is showing the world their hate. In doing so, they are also disturbing those in mourning who have lost a son, a daughter, a friend, a spouse.

What a horrible thing to do. How unkind. How unfeeling. How hateful.

So I don’t understand.

All of my time on earth, a fleeting 57 years, and I still do not understand how to hate another human being based on such superficial things as skin colour, religion or sexual orientation. Stop reaching for your bible to ‘prove’ it. Stop blaming it on sun flares. Stop looking at the outside package and making judgments. Just stop. Just stop hating.

Start doing your best to like, or dislike, the person in front of you based on who they are. Inside, where it counts.

 

 

Oh, and I would be a purple unicorn. Yeah. Purple.

 

 

A Gentle Reminder

Published June 11, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

fisher6

 

From time to time I think about having a male companion in my life. It would be nice to have someone to go out with and share things with, someone to cuddle up on the sofa with. When I get this feeling, all I have to do is go to Craigslist and I am reminded instantly why I prefer to be alone.

There are an amazing number of married men looking for affairs. They claim everything from a wife who works too many hours to a wife who hates sex. I often wonder why the wife hates sex. Perhaps, gentleman, it is not sex she hates, only sex with you. Not to mention that there are no reasons you guys can come up with that will ever justify cheating on your wife. None. If you are not happy, leave.

I live in ****** but I can travel during the day. I’m married. I’m seeking a great lover and friend to keep for a long time if we can make it work. I have a busy schedule but not to busy not to make time for your attention and passion.
Perhaps if you put this much time and energy into your marriage, it would be a happy one. Ever think of that? No, I didn’t think so. Oh he includes a photo of himself in his briefs showing off his man bulge. Ew.

Then there are the men who want very specific things.

This guy claims to be a REAL man:

I desire an amazing bond with a grace-filled, non-bratty/princess-type female who craves learning about or being very submissive. I seek an amazing, LTR with a female who cherishes and craves My intellect, advice, wisdom, tenderness and My naturally dominant nature.

And he signs this ‘Your Sir’.

While this may be a matter of taste, it does not ring as something a REAL man would look for. If you are, indeed, a ‘real’ man, wouldn’t you prefer someone who you feel is equal to you? Someone who is with you because they choose to be, not because you make them feel they have to be? Oh, and this guy also wants a younger woman. You know, one he can train.

And there are these guys. The men who insist his woman be in perfect shape, not matter what her age.

And if you’ve let yourself go to the point of embracing the whole oxymoron of BBW, there’s little chance for us. You’ve maintained as I have to keep a reasonably fit body. Passing up those Twinkies is paying off now. Now might be the time to say I’m a smoker albeit a considerate one. Never indoors or near those who don’t smoke. Yet another red flag…

This guy says he is 58. I have to be shape and take care of myself, but he can smoke. The last I heard, smoking wasn’t good for you. So not only do I have to be in shape for him, but I have to either put up with his smoking, or smoke myself. And I am not giving up my Twinkies. Oh wait. I don’t like Twinkies.

There is a guy who has run the same ad for years. Yes, I said years. He lays out exactly who he is looking for – her height, hair colour, eye colour, figure proportions, likes and dislikes. His list is very long, and very complete. I give him kudos for knowing what he wants, but at the same time it gives me chills. It always reads like he trying to replace someone with the exact same model year. Fella, we are not cars. We are all delightfully different.

Many of the men in my age range are looking for a woman in her 20’s or 30’s. These guys always strike me the stereotypical mid-life crisis men trying desperately to turn the clock back to when they were young and more care-free. They won’t even consider a woman their own age range. Probably because we won’t put with their bull shit.

Thank you, Men of Craigslist. You have saved me from listening to how I am not perfect. How I am too tall or too fat or too old. How my hair is too short, or I am too weird, or too loud, or too not-looking-like-Farrah Fawcett-in-the-80’s- when-I-am-57.

It good to remember that I am strong enough, funny enough, smart enough, weird enough and so completely out of your sorry league.

I am perfectly fine the way I am, and you guys can’t be bothered to see that, that’s fine with me.

 

 

A New Plan For A Lady and Her Dogs

Published June 9, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

I recently told you, my wonderful readers, about my situation. I am hanging on by a thread. I can homeless in the blink of an eye.

So I am working on an alternate plan to keep a roof over my head and the furry heads of my four-legged companions.

https://www.gofundme.com/27y7hvg

This link will take you to a GoFundMe for me and my dogs. I am looking to buy a camper van so I can have a place to live no matter what the worlds decides to do with us.

I have heard the mumblings about begging for money. About how I am not dying. About how my dogs aren’t dying. About how dare I ask for money.

This is what I have been told time and time again:

Ask. Ask. Ask. Tell. Tell. Tell. Tell people my situation. Tell people what I need. Ask for help. Ask for what I need to make it work. Make it known as far and as wide as I can.

Why a camper van? They are fairly decent on mileage. They are easy to drive in towns. They are easy to park. I can drive this by myself (I have driven a 24′ motor home in the past). I can set it up and tear it down alone. Being able to handle it on my own is important. It will also give me the mobility to move to where there are better jobs. It allow me an inexpensive way to live until the rest becomes a reality.

I know my situation is not unique. I know if I don’t ask, and continue to ask for help, help will never arrive.

So I am asking. I am asking for you to share. Just share the link. Give if you can. I can not express what it will mean to me. I have no gimmick. I don’t have some wacky stunt to pull if my goal is reached.

But I will tell you my story as it unfolds. Hopefully, that is enough.

 

Over 55 And Faking It.

Published June 3, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

I recently read an article about women over 50 and their lack of income. The article outlined how women fake it. They still dress nice, go out with friends and by all appearances are doing well. The fact is, they are not doing well. They hide it. And I hide it from people every day.

I am 57 years old. I have no retirement, no 401k, no CD’s, no nest egg. I am one of millions of women who didn’t work to stay home with children, or didn’t work because a significant other didn’t want me to, or worked part-time to have time with family. Because of that, I will also have very little social security money. It is tougher to find work, and I find I can’t do work I used to do.

I also rely on the SNAP program for groceries. I listen to lots of people complain about people on food stamps. How they don’t work. How they are lazy,. How they are losers. They do not know without food stamps, I would not have enough to eat.

I rarely go out with friends. I can’t afford it. When I do, I order inexpensive appetizers and drink water or tea. I save up to go to the movies and for movie rentals.

I have the world’s cheapest internet. It is slow, but it works. I lived without internet for months, and I may have to give it up again.

I don’t get manies/pedies. I often cut my own hair. I don’t buy jewelry. My clothes come from the thrift shops.

I don’t have a tons of debt. I am working to pay off my one credit card (with a low balance). I have a car payment. I have a cheap cell phone service. I stretch my pennies.

I have my dogs. I have been told to get rid of them. I have been told I have no right to have them. What people do not seem to understand is my dogs keep me here. They keep me looking to tomorrow. They give me a reason to get up every morning and fight to survive.

I have no safety net. No spouse. No significant other. I do have a handful of real friends who have been a huge help when I needed it. I am so grateful for those friends, I can not express it.

Think about this the next time you go to lunch with your best friend and notice she orders appetizers only, no drinks and politely turns down sharing a bottle of wine. Think about this the next time you hear someone complaining about food stamp recipients. Think about this when you realize one of your friends no longer has fancy nails and high end hair cuts.

She may be faking it. Right along with millions of other women.