All posts for the month May, 2016

Moving Forward – Again.

Published May 27, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

I am startled to see how long I have been writing this little blog. I am always amazed that I have a small group of followers. Wow. Just wow.

I when I started writing here, I mostly relayed humorous stories about life. My life and my futile attempts to date using online dating services. Well, ‘service’ is a rather strong word for what you get at online dating sites.

Lately I have noticed a descent into a darkness that I do not care to be in. There is no longer humor in my posts, only screams, thrashing about and anger. Like, ew. While it helps me to let it out, it not necessarily what I intended to share. And while I can’t promise there won’t be more screaming, thrashing about and anger, I will try to share my goings on in more, um, entertaining fashion.

There are decisions to be made. Lifelong dreams to brought to life.

I recently met a woman who made homeless with 4 children and 30 rescue dogs. Everyone told her to give up the dogs. She refused. She had a dream and those dogs were a part of it. She made a promise to those dogs and she was going to keep it. Still, the people in her world told her it was impossible.

Guess what? A patron donated an RV for her and her children to live in. A retired couple who used run a kennel, which now stood empty, invited her to live on their property and bring all the dogs. Nine days ago, escrow closed on the kennel and she and her children moved in to the house at the kennel. She now owns the kennel and that property is now home to her rescue.

My own dreams are not as big as hers. This woman understands how it feels when people tell you can’t do something. People have been telling me most of my life that how I want to live is impossible, ridiculous, and silly.

With a little luck, I will be on my way to my dreams in the next few months. I know it will not happen over night.

The time has come to shake off the darkness and step into the light.


Who Is This Person

Published May 15, 2016 by mindfulofchatter



I find myself in sort of an identity/mid life crisis, though I do not really want to live to be 114. The Me inside seems to be thrashing about trying to make sense of of the world and how I fit in. Or don’t fit in.

This is not really a new thing for me. Over 16 years ago, I remember telling my then partner ‘ I just want to go home, and don’t where home is.’ Needless to say he was baffled by that statement since we were in the living room of the house we were renting. In short, we were at home. Little has changed in the years that have passed. I am one of those people who never feels like they have found ‘home’. I just make home where ever I am. But it is never a permanent home.

I know I am tired of scrambling day to day to make ends meet. I work full time and can barley get by.  I don’t carry a ton of debt, or live in a high rent apartment. I don’t have cable, my new internet is about as cheap as it gets (local company), I rarely go out. I have to go to a laundromat to do my wash, but I wash my smalls at home to cut down on trips to do washing. I just can’t seem to make enough to survive with any ease.

I understand why people are homeless. Some are addicted to things that make them unable to work, some are disabled or mentally ill and can’t qualify for programs to help them. A few are homeless by choice. And some have lost their job and can’t find a new one. They end up in their car or on the streets. Once you are there, getting out is simply harder.

I have suddenly found myself at an age where finding a job is tougher because my work experience and work ethic do not over shadow my age. Employers are often wanting the younger person thinking they will work more years. This is odd because it has been shown time and time again the average employee stays an average of 4.2 years.

But in all this is my own struggle to find, or create, ‘me’. I have spent a good portion of my life being who others expected me to be in one way or another. This not a new thing. Everyone is expected to do or behave in certain ways.

But I am tired of it.

I have friend who once proclaimed (with love) that I am a gypsy at heart. Perhaps that is my problem. I am a traveller, a gypsy and wanderer who has been tied to the wrong life.

I want to live whatever I have left of my life on my on terms. Whatever those terms may be.



Getting Ready For a Job Interview

Published May 7, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

getty creative -- royalty free -- awkward interview, uncomfortable businessman, job interview, office, work, nervous, anxious, boss employee Just Shoot Me

Have you ever noticed that getting ready for a job interview is like getting ready for a date?

You plan your wardrobe accordingly. If the job is for a factory, you don’t want to show up in high heels and a designer suit. If you’re a guy, you never want to show up in high heels. Uh, unless it is for a drag show or theatre. And you don’t want to under dress for that office position.

It also depends on where you live. I live in an area where over dressing is easy to do and will not get you the job. This is a casual area. Many jobs will let you wear nice jeans and very casual office attire. If you show up in your designer, high-end suit, you will not be hired. They will automatically assume you want more than they are willing to give you.

Dates are the same way. If you are going to the movies, a formal gown may not be the proper choice. On the other hand, if you are going to a formal dinner, you may want to have some sort of formal attire ready and waiting.

Hair and make-up (if you wear make-up) are also key factors in both dates and job interviews. Along with this goes personal taste and preference. Tattoos and piercings are now a part of our culture, but some employers still want tattoos covered up and rings and studs removed on work days. This also depends on the job you are applying for.

But all in all, we do the same things for a job interview as we do for a date. We balance the job/date with our wardrobe. We balance our hair and make-up, choose footwear accordingly and plan departure time to arrive a little early.

Today, on a Saturday, I have an interview. We are meeting at a local coffee house. The job is working for a new company and may require everything for packaging to office work. My kind of job. So my choice will be more casual, but still looking ‘put together’.  So I have chosen nice jeans with a blouse type top and sandals (it’s hot). I’m trying to balance the ‘office’ look with a ‘I can do floor work’ look. I feel like I am going on some weird date.

I am hoping we are looking for each other (see? just like a date).

Wish me luck.


Ready For Changes

Published May 1, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

There has been much to think about these last few weeks.

I started a new job which I thought would be interesting. The ladies who already worked there seemed nice. It is a business I knew nothing about until now. It is a company I had never heard before now. It seemed to be something I would like.

But I find am not liking the work, or the business as much as I thought I might. While this is not earth shattering new on any count (most of us have found out we didn’t like a new job), it has made me really think bout my life, what I want out of, and what I want to do with it.

It is not this.

Perhaps I am simply getting too old to let things slide, or put up with snarky remarks, hostile reprimands and thinly veiled anger. So much of this particular persons actions remind very much or passive aggressive behavior I found so disgusting in my ex-husband and his family.

I do understand that employees has no rights. We have no protection from the law. We are required to work as our employers demand. Overtime, time off and even sick leave is all controlled by the employer.

My current employer demands unannounced overtime. If they think I need to stay at the end of my day, I have to stay. Even if my work is done, I have to stay when ‘asked’. To be clear, I don’t mind working overtime if I am asked ahead of time (could you stay late tomorrow? – sure, not a problem).  I will come in early if asked (sometimes even if I’m not asked and I am allowed, I will come in early). I find I DO mind being told at the end of my work shift that I need to stay late. And being told in nasty ,snarky manner doesn’t help the situation at all. I can not make plans if I do not know my work schedule., or I have to cancel plans already made. I dislike decisions about my life being taken away from me.

I find I am not happy with my life, so this unhappiness impacts how I feel across the board. Some days it feel like a one feeds off the other. Ugh. Not good.

I want to make changes in my life. I want to do a different kind of work. Long ago, and far away, I worked taking care of the ASPCA impounded horses at my college. I have volunteered my grooming skills at shelter to make animals more adoptable. I have worked with abused animals on a very small scale. From time to time I help with a breed rescue. While I can’t do much, I do what I can. All of these things made me feel like I was doing some good. Maybe it is was a small good, but was good.

I want to work for an animal welfare program, rescue or non-profit.

I know it isn’t easy work. I know it is hard work. But it is work I will enjoy at the end of  the day.