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All posts for the month February, 2016

Dating and…….Why Bother?

Published February 28, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

red-goddess-flying

 

I mentioned a bit ago that my mind drifted to dating again. I think about it when I get a bit lonely, or would simply like someone to DO things with. Mostly the latter. I can entertain myself, I go to movies alone and I don’t feel odd or awkward about it, I can eat out alone and feel fine about it, I have things I like to do that don’t require a second body. And a friend reminded me of what Irina Dunn once said:

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

And here it is. I don’t need a man. That very fact often makes relationships difficult. Long ago I was newly married. We bought a little house and were working on fixing it up. I wanted glass tub doors rather than a shower curtain. We bought a set at the local hardware store. He went off to work, and I went off to find out how to install them. I bought the proper drill bit, marked out the drill points and installed the doors. I didn’t even crack the tile. Was he happy ? No. He was less than thrilled. That was his job. He could not be happy that I had done it myself. I had shown him I didn’t need him. Many would say that was a mistake, but all these decades later, I stand by my decision to do something I was capable of doing. I would have been happy if he had done the installation, he should have been happy I did it.

I have had friends that find my independence odd. They tell me they could never eat out alone – it’s so sad to see someone who has to eat alone. Who says I have to eat alone? Don’t I eat alone at home? What’s the difference? They could never go to a movie alone – it’s so sad to see someone alone at  a theatre. Why is it sad? I find it far sadder to sit your arse home alone rather going out and doing the things you enjoy. Why should I put my life on hold and not do the things I enjoy simply because I don’t have a someone to share them with?

My current unemployed status has put a damper on the going out to things that require money, but not to going out to do things that cost nothing. I walk my dogs along the river, or downtown and window shop. I visit with the people I know who own shops. I am sewing from my stash for events that are still unknown to me. I may as well be prepared.

I am looking at other cities to live in if work does not find me here. I will, if need be, move to a new place where I know no one and make a new life for myself. I will do it with the help a few staunch friends, a little luck and an independent spirit that refuses to go gently into that good night.

I will fly. Even if I have to fly solo.

Sometimes, I Could Just Kick Myself

Published February 14, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

woman-hiding-face

 

With all the things going on (and not going on) in my life, I overlooked one important item.

You can’t move forward while you still have one foot in the past.

I no sooner moved out of Luke’s place when I was hit with cut hours, and then no hours. Ouch. I realized later that my employer knew when I was looking for an apartment, that my hours would be cut two weeks after I moved in. This was not a nice move on the employers part. It would have been nice to have know that was on the table before money was spent on deposits and background checks.

When the doo-doo hit the fan, Luke kindly offered me my room back to me if things didn’t work out and I lost the apartment. It was, and still is, a nice gesture. Because of that nice gesture, and the difficulty in finding work in this area, I left some things at Luke’s place. Why move them when I may just have to move them back? They are things I don’t need on a day to day basis, they are safe, I can get them when and if I need them. No biggie, right?

Wrong.

As longer I leave things at Luke’s place, the more likely it is that I will end up back there. They create a reason to keep a thread to a relationship that does not work. Why would I do that to myself? It’s not that I hate Luke. It’s that I know I do not want to live my life with him. So why am I leaving things at his place if that’s not where I want to be?

This epiphany hit me out of the blue. I wasn’t thinking of my things lounging in my old room. I wasn’t thinking about Luke. I was thinking about laundry, and needing quarters for the laundromat. The connection? I was doing laundry at Luke’s to avoid the expense of the laundromat. Again – keeping a thread to the past and keeping myself from moving into MY future. Sometimes I am so stupid, I can hardly believe myself.

I think a lot of people do the same thing. Moving ahead can be scary, especially when your foundation is shaky. A lot of us keep some little thread from the past connected as a safety line. If we fall, we think the thread will catch us. In most cases, this isn’t true at all. That thread will snap and leave us in free fall.

So today, Valentine’s Day, is the day I remove the rest of my life from Luke’s. It my box of candy to myself. My things will be where they belong – with me. My life will be where be where it belongs – with me.

I’m stepping out of my past, and into my future. Completely.

 

 

Unemployment Gone Awry

Published February 9, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

Plot Twist

 

I try to follow the rules when I have to. In this case, I have to follow the rules for claiming unemployment or nothing happens. While I seriously doubt I will be granted any unemployment benefits, I will go through the required motions until they tell me I will not receive any benefits.

I applied for benefits soon after my separation from my last employer. I love that ‘separation’ is the PC word for fired, laid off, or just plain quit. It makes it sound as if we had too much wine with dinner and decided the relationship wasn’t working and separated. It also reminds of the time my employer took me out to lunch, then fired me during the meal. He is why I refuse to work for nutters ever again (The area where this happened knew this man and how he treated employees. I was given a lot of credit for working for him as long as I did). I came close to working for a nutter last year, but that is another story.

When you apply for unemployment in my state, you fill out an online claim, then receive a phone call telling you when to claim your next week of benefits. In my case, I received my phone call and was told to claim my week of benefits after February 6th. On February 7th, I motored to a local coffee house to do just that.

When I signed on to the website, it told me I had to re-start my claim. I found it odd because I had already done that. This means I to ring them, sit on hold, then repeat everything I had already told them. Yay for me. On Monday, I dutifully rang the unemployment office and waited on hold (only 12 minutes! – a miracle!) for a representative. I was told my claim had been closed because I hadn’t claimed any benefits. What??!!??

I relayed the earlier phone call. We both wondered why I had been told to wait to claim benefits. I didn’t take a name, and it appears they don’t make online file notes, so the person who rang me remains a mystery. Now I have to begin again. The woman I was speaking with explained what would happen now, and what I needed to do (I am still wondering in this age of online only applications, how I am supposed to meet the face to face requirements). She also told me it would be 6 – 8 weeks before I even knew if I would receive benefits. Six to eight weeks. What a lovely snafu.

In 6 – 8 weeks, without employment, I will be homeless and losing my vehicle. With my tax return, I can stay afloat another month. Then I am pretty much toast.

I have been looking all over the place for somewhere to work, or to go to find work. I flirted momentarily at moving back to my hometown. That ended when I looked at rents and other costs. I have some family in Texas, but I am pretty sure I am not a Texan in any way, shape or form.

My side venture has two bookings, but two bookings is not going to pay the rent. Especially when they are months away. Until that takes off, I need to make some money.

So here I sit, pondering what to do, where to go and how to get there.

PLOT TWIST!

Questioning The Job Hunting How-To’s

Published February 7, 2016 by mindfulofchatter

It is Super Bowl Sunday and here I sit completely uninterested in football. To be fair, I lost interest in football years ago when the new rules came in and pretty much ruined the game. But That has little to do with how things are going today.

I am still unemployed, still looking, still feeling both good and awful about the entire situation. I applied for unemployment benefits and was told apply for my week of benefits after February 6th. But when I trudged off to find wi-fi to do so, the website told me I could not do that. I had to restarted my benefits. I already restarted my benefits. The telephone call telling me to claim benefits told me it was so. Now I will have to spend time tomorrow finding out what when wrong (it’s the government, so I can only imagine the snafu that has ensued).

In the meantime, I will continue to ponder how I am supposed to spend 40 hours a week looking for employment. How does one spend forty hours a week looking for a job? I look at several different job listing sites everyday. I send resumes to anything that looks remotely promising. This does not take eight hours to accomplish. I even look at states I think I could live in.

But looking at other states raises an entirely new set of questions. I am not in the league and job that will relocate you on their dime. So how do you secure a job in another state and then manage to move there? I have found a state and city I think I’d like to give a try. The housing costs are reasonable to the wages being paid, well wages advertised, I have visited the city in the past and rather liked. It is close a couple of my very favorites historical places. But how can someone with no friends in the area and no extra money make a move, find a job and a place to live?

My life is not a movie. I can not fit my life into one tiny suitcase, hop a bus, and arrive in a new town, then score a job and an apartment the same day I arrive. Probably because I am not hiding some secret or running from a horrible spousal unit. I believe you must have one of those things going on to make a new life in 24 hours. Oh, you must be in your early 20’s. Apparently, older people never have those sort of issues. Thank goodness Hollywood keeps it real.

So here I sit in a coffee house, drinking tea I can’t afford buy because I needed the use of wi-fi (the library is closed today). If I hadn’t needed to work on my unemployment, I would have stayed home.

As long as I here, I will look over the job listings again. I may have missed something. I will look up information of different subjects, and look into some new places to live. I have decisions to make. To make them, I need to be better informed.

Wish me luck!