I recently read a little article from some Hollywood fashion guru that outlined when you ought to ‘retire’ certain items from your wardrobe. I have read these types of articles in the past and simply snorted at some of the suggestions. But this lady kinda pissed me off.
The article went like this: ‘Message Tees. Retirement age 35.’ Then she went on to explain why you ought not where this piece of clothing after the age she listed. She listed fun hair barrettes, tees, tank tops, heels, and all sorts of things we all wear.
One item was low-rise jeans. Honestly, only about 4 people on the plant look good in low-rise jeans. You have to have no body fat, no hips and no waist to pull them off well. I once got in a ‘discussion’ with a clerk at a high-end boutique about how low-rise jeans make you look slimmer. Putting a band around your widest body part will never, ever make you look slimmer. Not ever. Sure the silly things are still all the rage, but I refuse to wear jeans with a 2 inch zipper in it. An 85 year old granny wouldn’t be able to pull off low-rise jeans very well, but she also knows better than to try to wear the stupid things. But if you are a 20 something stick, go for it!
The fun hair pieces got me. She stated that if you over 30 and wearing your daughter’s Hello Kitty barrettes, you will just look ridiculous. Since my daughter is a) almost 30, and b) doesn’t own any Hello Kitty barrettes, I figure this would make the Hello Kitty barrettes mine and I could pull them off fine at 55. I do love a loop-hole.
The showing ‘too much’ cleavage is be retired at age 50. We are supposed now don a white blouse with a tweed vest so we look classy. A white blouse with a tweed vest? Are you friggin’ kidding me? I wouldn’t where that unless it was Halloween costume. And even then, it had better be a part of a zombie costume. I get the bit about too much saggy cleavage showing, but let’s not get silly about it.
I am not supposed to wear loud accessories. I am over 35, so I must bid farewell to studded bracelets, goth inspired belts, zebra print purses and the fun bits of jewelry. The article’s author states I may wear ONE funky piece per out fit. As if this is going to happen anytime soon. I am wearing my Steampunk Abe Lincoln earrings until they wear out. And probably too many bangles and spangles along with them.
High heels, stilettos and ‘costume’ shoes are now banned at mid 40’s. Now I am supposed to wear some stupidly expensive air soled shoe with a wide, stable heel and rounded toe. First of all, I am NOT a grandma. Second of all, I hate ‘old lady’ shoes with a passion. I couldn’t even buy a pair of used penny loafers for a 50’s day. I put them on, looked at them, and said ‘No. Not wearing these.’ I still love ,and wear, my stilettos and my Halloween bone boots (they are black boots with leg and foot bones printed on them). I will wear them until I simply can’t any longer. My heel heights may have come down a bit, but I am not making the move to orthopedic shoes at 55. Ew. Just ew.
I am going to have fun with my clothes. Who is this woman to proclaim what everyone else should wear at what age? I am not an old lady. I will not dress like an old lady because some Hollywood fashion guru thinks I ‘too old’ to wear fun things. There is video called ‘Advanced Style’ on You Tube. These ladies have it going on. I may not wear some the things they are wearing, but I love the energy they kick out. I highly recommend that the author of this ‘what not to wear’ type article go watch this video about 500 times.
And then get over herself and realize that clothing, no matter what your age, is fun.