No Spark

Published September 16, 2013 by mindfulofchatter


I’m sort of in a relationship. Sort of not. We have not discussed being exclusive, or anything remotely in that area. I already am seeing ‘issues’ ahead. I am pretty sure this is a no go for me. Pretty darn sure, in fact.


Mr. Square Dance seems to be a very nice man. He is attentive, fun to do things with, easy to get along with and generous in a lot of ways. He is clean, has manners and is an intelligent being. He does not mind my oddities, tendency to babble or the fact that at 54, I still think dress-up is a blast.

But there is no spark. At least on my side. I am spark-less. And I am not sure if I am spark-less because there is no chemistry between us, or if I have had one too many bad relationships and I have somehow turned my sparking mechanism off. It’s tough to tell at this point. I could just be over thinking everything. Or not. Maybe I just need a new flint.

Mr. SD has a thing about being ‘out there’. He doesn’t like to give his real name when we have to wait for a table at a restaurant. He is careful about telling strangers his real name in certain situations, yet he regularly uses a debit card to pay for things. Kinda odd. He likes to live waaaay out rural. That’s okay, but I don’t ever want to live a million miles away from everything. Been there once or twice. Didn’t care much for it. I love living rural, but within striking distance of amenities. It’s a balance thing. He is also rather closed mouthed about some of his history. I get that to a certain extent. I have not shared my life story with him either, but if he asks a question, I answer it honestly. Example: He does not like to be touched on a certain area of his back. He says someone once tried to punch him in the spine, missed and hit that area. He does, in fact, flinch if I touch him there. But when asked about why some guy tried to punch him the spine, he states he doesn’t know why, the guy just wanted to. Ummmm…………not buying that card, thank you. When someone tries to punch in your SPINE, there is a reason, and you know it. It makes me wonder what he is hiding, and who he may be hiding from.

And to top it off, he has taken a job as an over-the-road truck driver. Been to that rodeo before, and do not want a repeat. Not only do I want a relationship, I’d like to have the other half here more than not. I see no point in being in a relationship with someone who is gone 6 – 8 weeks at a time. He is not serving in the military. He is driving a ferking truck. He is currently gone on trip. I heard from him exactly once. No phones call, no texts, no e-mails. I know the drill. Truckers can only drive so many hours, then they have to shut down for so many hours. He HAS time to write, text or ring. He just isn’t taking the time to do so. This tells me he just isn’t that into me either. (Damn that stupid dating rules book my friend has. Sometimes the darn thing makes sense!)

I know he and I need to talk about all of this. I hate those talks. They are always uncomfortable and someone will get hurt a bit. I have no real clue how he thinks of me. He acts one way when we are together, another way when we are apart. I am not a needy person. I do not need a daily update,  but I do want some semblance of consistency.

So it seems I am back to square one, in need of a partner and three more couples to fill out the square. No, wait. That’s square dancing. I am in want of partner/mate for all the ordinary, everyday, gosh-ain’t-this-boring-paying-bill trials of life, as well as the fun lets-hit-the-fancy-dress-party moments (I much prefer the fancy dress moments).

Any one want to take on a tall, slightly cheeky nutter? (okay, okay. More than slightly cheeky.)



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