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All posts for the month September, 2013

No Spark

Published September 16, 2013 by mindfulofchatter

noSpark

I’m sort of in a relationship. Sort of not. We have not discussed being exclusive, or anything remotely in that area. I already am seeing ‘issues’ ahead. I am pretty sure this is a no go for me. Pretty darn sure, in fact.

Why?

Mr. Square Dance seems to be a very nice man. He is attentive, fun to do things with, easy to get along with and generous in a lot of ways. He is clean, has manners and is an intelligent being. He does not mind my oddities, tendency to babble or the fact that at 54, I still think dress-up is a blast.

But there is no spark. At least on my side. I am spark-less. And I am not sure if I am spark-less because there is no chemistry between us, or if I have had one too many bad relationships and I have somehow turned my sparking mechanism off. It’s tough to tell at this point. I could just be over thinking everything. Or not. Maybe I just need a new flint.

Mr. SD has a thing about being ‘out there’. He doesn’t like to give his real name when we have to wait for a table at a restaurant. He is careful about telling strangers his real name in certain situations, yet he regularly uses a debit card to pay for things. Kinda odd. He likes to live waaaay out rural. That’s okay, but I don’t ever want to live a million miles away from everything. Been there once or twice. Didn’t care much for it. I love living rural, but within striking distance of amenities. It’s a balance thing. He is also rather closed mouthed about some of his history. I get that to a certain extent. I have not shared my life story with him either, but if he asks a question, I answer it honestly. Example: He does not like to be touched on a certain area of his back. He says someone once tried to punch him in the spine, missed and hit that area. He does, in fact, flinch if I touch him there. But when asked about why some guy tried to punch him the spine, he states he doesn’t know why, the guy just wanted to. Ummmm…………not buying that card, thank you. When someone tries to punch in your SPINE, there is a reason, and you know it. It makes me wonder what he is hiding, and who he may be hiding from.

And to top it off, he has taken a job as an over-the-road truck driver. Been to that rodeo before, and do not want a repeat. Not only do I want a relationship, I’d like to have the other half here more than not. I see no point in being in a relationship with someone who is gone 6 – 8 weeks at a time. He is not serving in the military. He is driving a ferking truck. He is currently gone on trip. I heard from him exactly once. No phones call, no texts, no e-mails. I know the drill. Truckers can only drive so many hours, then they have to shut down for so many hours. He HAS time to write, text or ring. He just isn’t taking the time to do so. This tells me he just isn’t that into me either. (Damn that stupid dating rules book my friend has. Sometimes the darn thing makes sense!)

I know he and I need to talk about all of this. I hate those talks. They are always uncomfortable and someone will get hurt a bit. I have no real clue how he thinks of me. He acts one way when we are together, another way when we are apart. I am not a needy person. I do not need a daily update,  but I do want some semblance of consistency.

So it seems I am back to square one, in need of a partner and three more couples to fill out the square. No, wait. That’s square dancing. I am in want of partner/mate for all the ordinary, everyday, gosh-ain’t-this-boring-paying-bill trials of life, as well as the fun lets-hit-the-fancy-dress-party moments (I much prefer the fancy dress moments).

Any one want to take on a tall, slightly cheeky nutter? (okay, okay. More than slightly cheeky.)

 

I’m In a Relationship! I think.

Published September 7, 2013 by mindfulofchatter

relationship

 

As most of you know, I have been seeing my square dance partner for other things besides square dancing. He kind of snuck in dating when I wasn’t looking. I’m telling you, those quiet guys are sneaky. We have been having a good time and getting to know each other. He has opened up and talks more now. Who would have thought I would attract a quiet man. Oh, he isn’t really shy, just quieter than I am. But then, a freight train is quieter than I am. Go figure.

As I have said before, he seems to be okay with, and even enjoy, my slightly crazy approach to life and things in general. The occasional pink hair, Cosplay, re-enacting, the odder items in my apartment, etc., do not seem to bother him in the least. He is interested on going to Rendezvous’ (1840’s/mountain man events) and perhaps doing some Civil War re-enacting. This man actually owns a couple of kilts and is not afraid to wear them in public (yes he has the legs for it). You can see how we may get on rather well together.

But we have not done much in the way ‘couple things’. Such as holding hands or arms around each other when we are out. He not even kissed me.  I have been kind of ‘hmmmmmmm’ ing about this. And wondering what’s up (S’up) with that.

Me? I can be a bull in a china shop. For many years, I have scared to crap out men by, well being me. Not holding back much and going where my heart/mind wanted to go has made men run like mad in the opposite direction. For years I have also been counseled by friends to let the men do the manly stuff and make the first move blah, blah, blah.  So after several decades of struggle, I finally managed a sort of balance between to two. I say sort of because I often slip up and end up watching tail-lights as he burns rubber out of the parking lot. Yeah, I know. Then that wasn’t the guy for me. But it still gets old (and leaves me wondering where the men with the balls for life are hiding).

I was going somewhere…

Ah. Yeah. Anyway, Mr. Square Dance came over again last night for a movie and brought za (pizza). We ate, we watched a couple of movies (Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy and Zombieland) and talked. No cuddling up, no hand holding, no real contact what. so. ever. Seriously. WTF?

As he was leaving, he brought up, quite tactfully I might add, that he felt I was giving off  ‘don’t touch me signals’. For me, this is a giant ‘yippee’. Not that he may have picked up such signals, but that he is not afraid to talk about the things most humans are afraid to talk about. So I asked, he answered. He asked. I answered.  And the long and short of it? We both have been dancing around each other afraid to ‘make a move’ and scare the holy crap out the other. Instead of asking the other to go do things, we both have been not wanting to ‘hog the other’s time’ and thinking ‘ he/she is busy and will not want to see me yet again this weekend’.

Good Grief. For once I could have been the bull in the china shop and the man would have simply waved a red cape to entice me to charge in closer.

So with a square dance date set for tonight, and a possible afternoon of doing whatever set for later today, we shall see how things change. Now that we have both laughed at ourselves, and each other, the vibe should change accordingly and move forward. Wish us luck.

Yup. We are definitely the worst couple ever. But in a good way.