Quality Humans And Craigslist.

Published July 17, 2013 by mindfulofchatter

Bang Head Here

From time to time I amuse myself with reading the personal ads on Craigslist (The Best of Craigslist is often downright hilarious). Sometimes I even respond to one with my ‘alter ego’. There are always the men looking for an affair (I have no love at home -wah!), a friend with benefits (I don’t want to work at a real relationship) and some who come right out and say they just want to laid (at least they are honest about it, though the words ‘well hung’ should be left out. just, ew.). Some seem to be actually looking for a relationship, even though they tend to have unrealistic parameters for them.

One man posted about the lack of ‘quality women’ on Craigslist:

You had your chance… You are too wounded and afraid to trust that a good hearted, loving man really wants you. Welcome to singles-land ******* style. No one is perfect. It’s all about knowing what you want and willingness to accept a person as they are. Attraction starts the fire

Notice how he has not bothered to tell us what he is looking for. There is no mention of what he means by ‘quality’. He does, however, mention accepting people for who they are.

So I wrote him a note from my ‘alter ego’, asking about it. I asked what he meant by ‘quality’. I mentioned I was employed, did not smoke, drink or do drugs. I mentioned I was a bit chubby but not a BBW and that it would be nice to have a partner so we could encourage each to be healthier and more active. I also mentioned how the issue of ‘quality’ goes both ways.

His response was rather terse:

No one should have to encourage you to be fit and healthy.  That’s your job.  It reflects your self-worth and self-esteem.


It’s my job? So much for his willingness to accept someone as they are. This does not sound like a good hearted, loving man.

I noticed he apparently didn’t read all of the e-mail sent to him. He seems to have immediately focused on my chubbiness and not much else. The words encourage each other never made past his eyes into his itty bitty mind. 

He made a snap judgement. He didn’t bother to inquire about why I am chubby. For all he knows I am fighting cancer, lost a my son/daughter in the war, lost my parents/sibling(s), have survived an abusive relationship or some other life altering event. There are lots of other reasons we put on a few pounds that have nothing to do with a love affair with food or low self-esteem.

But he will never know that. Because he has no interest in actually accepting someone for who the are, and taking the time to get to know them. He is one of a truckload of people (male and female) who equate looks with quality. The person within matters not until the package becomes worn and dated. Then these people just move on. To them, we are disposable. If we can’t match up to what they think we ought to be, we are chucked aside for a newer and better model.

The man who wrote that ad and responded to my e-mail has no clue what the term ‘quality’ means. He will never find what he is looking for because he is too focused on the package. It appears he can not encourage another human be a better person or get through a rough patch. If she can not stand alone and do it all herself, well to heck with her! *snort*

I figure if someone can accept and love me in my chubby state, then they will reap the benefits when the last of the chubbiness is shed. That is the guy who IS looking for a quality woman and can accept that I am not perfect. Who will take the time to look behind the package and learn my history and heartbreaks. Who will encourage me when I have a bad day, week, month or year.

That’s the man I hope to find.

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