To Date or Not To Date

Published July 14, 2013 by mindfulofchatter


With the failure of the now infamous Dr. Jekyll, I am faced with the choices of:

1) Not dating

2) Stepping back into the waters of the online sea of sharks, whales and flounders

I am not fond of either choice. I’d like to date. I’d like to meet someone as eclectic (odd) and as slightly nerdy/geeky as I am. Oh yeah, I’m mostly normal enough. Mostly. Sort of. Maybe. But the men in my age range seem unable to cope with a woman who does not live in the past. There is more to life than 80’s music and a landline phone. Really. Would I lie to you?

I understand there will be no ‘meet cute’. It seems people rarely talk to each other at stores or in lines anymore. I do, but others don’t (this explains the odd looks and the edging away, doesn’t it?). So that cuts down on the whole bumping-into-my-frog- prince-at-the market scenario. Bummer. I’d love a ‘meet cute’ at least once before I die. Where are those script writers when you need them.

This leaves the online mess. The online dating crowd seems to be focused on meeting their fantasy girl. More and more I see ads/profiles from men in my age range who are looking for that girl who is 15- 20 years younger, slender, attractive (as if we all know what they consider attractive) and athletic. One goes as far as to post:

You are:
About 5’6″
Not a perfect body but on the slender side
You have dark hair, chestnut
Blue grey eyes
Sometimes you wear glasses
Light skin, maybe even freckles
You love 80s music
You love to laugh
You find humor in goofy things
Music and movies are important forms of entertainment in your life
You lack coordination but try things anyway
You don’t smoke
You smell like sweet cucumber or some sexy lotion from Bath and Bodyworks
You enjoy camping in the summer
You can gut a fish
Your feet wiggle when you cuddle in bed
You take good care of yourself, eat healthy, Zumba
You like your men with some meat on their bones and who enjoy the same things as you
Are you her?

This guy says he is 45. I read this and see him looking for a replacement for someone no longer in his life, or someone he built in his mind. Yeah, good luck with that. I also notice he seems a little stuck on the 80’s music (what is with the 80’s music? I see this a lot. I mean a LOT).

I also notice a lot of untruths online. Men tend to write what they think women want to hear. I have met ‘non-smokers’ who smoke, 55 year olds who really 63 year olds and other ‘white lies’ being told to catch that special girl. They don’t seem to understand that lying right off the bat is a guarantee they won’t get the girl. Ever. As in never, ever.

Not dating is okay, but it gets old doing things alone or with your girl friends. I would rather be alone than ‘settling’ for someone who not really a good match for me. Been there, not fun, don’t want to do it again. Not that I need someone who loves everything that I love. I am fine with separate interests. In fact I like having a few things that are my thing, and him having things that are his thing. We all need time apart. Time with the ‘guys’.

So here I am, The Girl Who Waits.

The mad man with a box and the roman gladiator are running late. As usual.


7 comments on “To Date or Not To Date

  • You shouldn’t wait for anything!! We spent two years waiting and have in the past three months put ourselves out there amidst the sharks, whales, and flounders. . and so far we have not met much better than you.

    You’re right. . there’s not much meet cute anymore. . One of us met a man at the post office. .and we were so sure it was a “meet cute” NOPE!! Married!!!

    We’re keeping on truckin’! Good luck in your quest for your eclectic one and only!!

    oh. . and our blog name is sarcastic. . the most overused advice from boring people to us poor single souls. We might not have Mr. Right at the moment. . but we sure aren’t gonna sit on the sidelines waiting to be rescued either!!!!

  • Hang in there, it will happen – is what I hear often enough all around me. The thing though is that I am no longer actively seeking for all the reasons you’ve posited here. So where does this leave “single” people? There is nothing more of a ‘BIG’ turn off than a man lying, and they haven’t learned that this isn’t really going to work for them, yet they still persist on lying. I’ve no answer, except I am feeling left bewildered that the world we live in has come to this. Single people, trying to out do each other in the hope that they will land someone they “imagine” exists. Meh, I’m better off alone.

    Good luck!

    • I certainly do understand the bewildered part! I am often amazed at what I see and hear (as well as experienced) as a single human in this digital world.

      I have to say my ‘favorite’ was the 63 year old who said he was 55 (he had to ask me what age he put on his ‘ad’. He couldn’t remember). He really didn’t grasp why none of the women he’d met wanted to see him again. Can we all say ‘duh’? *L*

      • The age thing is always problematic. I once met up with a man when his profile said he was 46 and in fact he was 58… WTF? He told me about it straight away and his excuse was that when he’d set up his account he’d made a mistake and asked the site to fix it for him, which he claims they weren’t able to do. His other option was to delete his account and start again. He opted to not change it. I told him he was being very deceitful about it, and his answer was that he got the girls. Well, umm, no. If you got the girls, you wouldn’t be here telling me this story! Big turn off! Yep, a lot of men will lie about their age on dating sites. Glad I’m not on any site any more. I don’t need that kind of deceit!

      • Thanks for your note. It is mind blowing that people don’t see themselves as we see them. It’s like that image of a cat looking in the mirror and the cat sees himself reflected back as a lion, lol

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