My coffee/dinner/ walk-in-the-park date has turned out to be a dud. Gorgeous, but a dud. I am happy to find this out now, before things have progressed and a relationship could truly begin.
We spent a happy week talking on the phone every day. We got managed to get together and enjoy each other’s company and were making plans to work out schedules to make seeing each other easier.
Then it all went wrong. As if a switch had been flipped, things just went ka-poot.
We had made plans to get together on Saturday. He does not have a car (he has a license, but a no car in order to keep his expenses down while in school), and since I had driven put to his part of the world more than once, he agreed to take the bus to mine part of the world. I agreed to pick him up at the bus stop (not very far away), and we would go from there. He was to call when the bus pulled into the main hub.
1) He called 2 hours after the time he said he’d be in town to explain he had gotten caught on the phone with his brother and missed the last bus to my town. This was forgivable because you can’t call someone while using the phone. Yes, he could have sent an e-mail, but if a family member is having a difficult time, I can see how you may not think to do that.
When he rang, he said he still wanted to go to dinner where we had originally planned. The issue? Where he wanted to go was in yet another town (near me, yes, but still a drive). This meant I would have to drive the 25 miles or so to pick him up, drive past my town to the place where the restaurant is. With gasoline at $4 bucks a gallon, I balked a bit at this arrangement. This was a lot of miles on me, and with only a part-time job, my dollars are already stretched to screaming. He offered to pay for gas, so I agreed. I told him I was on my way!
2) I got there and he wasn’t home. He had decided to make a quick run to the video store. He rode up on his bike and apologized for making me wait, claiming he had only been gone 10 minutes. Yeah, he made the decision to go shopping when he knew I was on my way to pick him up. Not cool.
Now he had to put the bike away and change for dinner. And put away his bong (WTF?) and grab his cigarettes (WTF again?!?). In my previous visits to his place, I saw neither item, or any indication that they existed. I am now not amused. Not at all. His profile said he was a non-smoker and he did not use drugs. I am not 420 friendly. My opinion is it is a drug. A mind altering drug that is also addictive ( You, dear reader, may not share that view. It is perfectly fine if you disagree). Rather than make a huge deal out of it, I decided to ask him about this over dinner.
3) On the drive to the restaurant, he decided to backseat drive. I am driving, not you. Shut up and a look out the window, or get out and walk. I am a good driver. No tickets, no accidents, taught to drive by a WWII pilot and engineer. And I used to ride a motorcycle. I used to watching out for all other traffic. If you don’t care for how I drive, don’t ride with me. Pretty simple.
4) He was telling about the issue his brother was having. He stopped talking for several seconds. I thought he was finished and started to say something. ‘I am NOT done. DON’T interrupt me.’ He was actually pissed off. I apologized, telling him I thought he was finished. Then when I said something about what he had been talking about, he got pissed again. ‘I JUST said that! Didn’t I JUST say that?’. Okay. I am now about two seconds away from letting him walk home from the middle of the road. If you are this upset, do not make plans to go out with someone. And DO NOT treat me poorly because you are angry at something/someone else.
He calmed down and complimented me on taking the back way and cutting a lot of time and miles off the drive. He chit chatted about regular things and seemed to put the earlier snappishness behind him. As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, he seemed to be the same man I had spent a week happily talking with. But for me, the red flags were still waving. I don’t need a Jekyll and Hyde in my life.
5) I pulled in to spot. I didn’t even have the car in park and he was out of the car and walking towards the front doors. Can we say rude and inconsiderate? I took my time to put the car in park, set the brake (remember, engineer’s daughter) and put up the reflection screen to help keep the heat somewhat at bay. He kept walking. Never once, turning to see if I was coming, or bothering to stop and wait for me. To top it off, he waited by the front door all antsy as if I was holding him up on purpose.
He was getting dangerously close to that walk home.
In we go and find a seat. He is now back to his happy (?) self. I kept looking for that little Jekyll and Hyde potion bottle. I knew has to be there somewhere. We order, the food comes. We eat and chat. Things are not as easy as they have been all week. There is an under current to our conversation. Mr. Hyde is lurking close the surface and I can see him waiting to pounce. But Mr. Hyde stays in check for the entire meal. He loads up the leftovers, dividing them between us, asking me what I’d like to take home and if he may have some of what I had left. The check comes with our fortune cookies.
6) With no word to me, he just gets out of the booth and leaves the table. No ‘I’ll be right back’ or ‘Excuse me, I need the restroom’. Not one word. He just leaves me sitting there. Had I not driven, I would have wondered if he was leaving me there. This is just plain rude and disrespectful. Mr. Hyde seems to have found he way out once more. I now just want him away from me. I do not need to deal with childish bullshit.
7) When he returns to the table, I am in the process of drinking from my water glass. I mean I have the glass in my hand, my lips are on the rim and I am literally taking a sip of water. ‘I’m done, the bill’s paid, let’s go.’ And he gets up and leaves! Just walks off towards the front door. What in holy hell is wrong with this guy?!? Did he have an aneurysm burst and change his personality? Who treats a ‘date’ like this? This certainly is nothing like the guy I had dinner and a walk in the park with.
The drive back to his house quiet. I had nothing to say to someone who would treat me so poorly. I couldn’t wait to drop him off and be done with him. At his house, he asked me to call him and let him know I got home okay. I did ring him. but he let it go to voicemail. Another slap in the face. I have never been treated with much disrespect on a date. It was a bit mind-boggling.
Maya Angelou wrote ‘When someone shows you their true colors, believe them’.
And I believe I will never speak with this man ever again.