The Frustration of Online Dating

Published May 30, 2013 by mindfulofchatter






I’ve updated and refurbished my online dating profile. It has garnered no new interest. A couple of men have hit me on the ‘meet me’ feature, but didn’t bother to write. So much for actually wanting to meet me. Then there are the ones who want to write. And write. And write.

I find this part of online dating the most frustrating. So many people want to write back and forth – FOREVER. I don’t want a relationship on a screen. I’m not looking for a pen pal. I want a relationship with a living, breathing, in-front-of-me-human of the opposite sex. This seems to be the impossible task.

First, we contact each other via e-mail and see if we might get on. This baby step can last weeks, if you let it. Possibly months. I haven’t got that kind of patience. I’m half a century old! Let’s get on with it, fellas! Often in this phase, photos are exchanged (if you are ‘meeting’ from another source, or one party has no photo on their profile). Sometimes that kills things right there. One person is not attracted to the appearance of the other and simply vanishes into cyber space. Yes, there needs to be some sort of attraction. But at least write and let me know my mug isn’t doing it for you. I’ve done it. It’s not that bad. Sometimes it’s a hobby that kills things. I was writing to a gent who got around to telling me how much he love, love, loves to camp. I don’t love, love, love to camp. I’ve had far too many bad camping experiences to want to camp every available weekend (or ever again). Obviously, we were not going to get on well. I let him know and we not longer write.

If both parties make through the writing/photo/hobbies portion, they often graduate to texting or phone calls. I prefer phone calls. Texting, to me, is simply an extension of e-mailing. I want to hear a voice and get a feel for the personality behind the e-mails. Texting doesn’t do that. If you can’t make time to actually ring me, don’t bother to ask to exchange numbers. Blocking your number falls into this area. Don’t ring and block your number. I won’t answer. I trusted you with my number, so trust me with yours. Number blocking also reads as ‘married and sneaking around’.

We’ve e-mailed. We’ve talked in real-time. We still seem to get on well. So let’s meet. Don’t make excuses. This will put you right back into ‘married but sneaking around’, and I will be done with you. Don’t jump the gun and ask to meet me in an hour. I have a life (it may be rather unexciting at the moment, but it is a life), and I’m not going to do somersaults or jump through hoops to meet you in 15 at the coffee shop (not to say I never will, but not on a first meet n’ greet). Let’s both agree on a place and time.

Ta-da! Not really all that difficult, now is it?

And when we meet, please take a little time to talk. We won’t know if we click if we don’t actually have a conversation (this does not include asking inappropriate questions – please see the R-E-S-P-E-C-T post for examples of what not to ask). Sitting through a cup of coffee won’t kill you (unless there’s arsenic in). If we are not connecting, that’s fine. Just SAY so at some point. Find a way to say ‘nice to have met you’ and go on your merry way. I really do hate the meaningful sighs, day dreaming out the window and lame excuses. We are both adults. This is flipping cup of coffee, not a marriage proposal. We ought to be able to find a nice way to say ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ and be on our separate ways in 30 minuets or so. One man I met was very fun and very nice. We could have best friends, but never more than that. He said ‘Thank you so much. I had a wonderful time. I am so happy to have met you, but you are not the droid I’m looking for’. And I agreed. We had had a wonderful time and loads of laughs, but didn’t connect on a ‘dating’ level. Again, it really wasn’t all the tough.

So the search continues at its ‘normal’ snail’s pace. I’m in no rush (just frustrated with the steps). I will (eventually, with a dash of luck) find my slightly nerdy/geeky/silly companion.

One with time traveling blue box would only be plus.


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