Rolling The Dice

Published May 18, 2013 by mindfulofchatter


In my perusal of personal ads I generally come across ones that make me laugh, or think ‘You need a reality check, dude’. Mostly I think they need spelling and grammar lessons. But this one takes the cake. Well, he wouldn’t actually take the cake because it isn’t his to touch. He titles his ad ‘Last Roll of the Dice’. And those dice are going to be rolling for a loooong time. Mostly because none of us can’t figure out if he wants a mate or rental property.

Let’s roll those dice and take a gander.

My personals are few but ‘important to me’ not to be touched without asking, and in a rental I simply want to be ignored and left alone- I touch nothing of another’s without asking unless their animals take to me as is usually the case.

Okay. This is a personal ad. This man WANTS a relationship. I think. I’m not sure. Maybe he wants a relationship with a wall or a rock. A rented wall or rock. He claims he won’t touch my stuff, just my dog. But isn’t my dog part of my stuff?

 Looking for a good lease with possible Direct Banking rental payments- I will share a place with someone if ‘Honesty and Respect’ are their true nature- I need my quiet time for PC working with no abrupt disturbances, and no visitors without prior notification and verbal agreement to the time frame- My work is important and time-consuming

Now he sounds like he looking for a place to live. And a little bit like Sheldon Cooper. I mean, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I can see the roommate agreement now. It will be at last 500 pages.

I need peace and a big yard- I seldom wish to go anywhere unless I make plans first- The more rural with altitude the better- Seriously Interested in a Life Change inquirers’ only or do you have the place for me? I am really quite serious and not from here with no friends or X’s, no kids, just the cat and man with the ability to think for himself- If you want a good person that’s honest and maybe not too worn out then move yourself to action

I am still confused about want this guy actually wants. He wants to go nowhere and do nothing. But states he is a good person and honest. His ad says he is 64, yet he has no X’s. Never been married, no girlfriends. Seriously? Maybe he means no letter X’s. Or maybe he isn’t speaking of himself. I’d move myself to action, but I I’m not sure what action to move myself to. I’ll just put on some music instead. Oh wait. I can’t. He requires PEACE and QUIET. Page 4, paragraph 5 of the roommate agreement.

This lifetime might close any time, I can adjust- I CAUTION THOSE WHO MAY ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS AS i AM TO NOT RELY ON A SINGLE ATTEMPT TO REACH ME OR MY VOICE MAIL- I am moving around and using the phone and PC in my search and I may miss or not be able to receive the call at my present location- So if you want to hear a voice or talk then know that the US Cellular blocks my calls and texts often, so I may not receive your message- A ‘text’ will let you know if I got the message or not- I return every call that I have a correct number of and if I do not return any call, you must not give up so easily with just a single call

If this lifetime closes, wouldn’t that mean you are dead? Kinda tough to ‘adjust’ to being dead. And didn’t you JUST say you didn’t like to go places or do things without a ton of planning? Why are you moving about so much.? Why is your cell phone carrier blocking your calls and texts? Holy crap! Are you a spy??!!??? On the lamb? Dodging Dairy Queen so you don’t order a Blizzard? And how can you text me that you didn’t get my message, if you didn’t get my message? I may need an aspirin before this is finished.

I am very serious about relocating and ‘I Will help out if needed, but no full time jobs please, I am retired and I want to stop ‘punching the clock’- You want a non-cheater and a caring person or not? NOTE- SEE MY AD, ‘Serious’ in the m4w 60 section- it’s more complete- I have added some things to another ad in Craigslist- It’s a bit serious for some but if you can’t handle the heat, get out of my kitchen- I meet people more than half way and where is yours that was meeting you more than half way?

Again he sounds more like he’s looking for a place to live, yet he advertising in the personals. He doesn’t want to ‘punch the clock’, but his work is ‘important and time consuming’ (See? This has ‘spy’ all over it). And he seems overly possessive about ‘his’ kitchen. (In the roommate agreement, I wonder who gets the bathroom) Now he claims he will meet people more than half way. More than half way to what? The market? The gas station? The port-a-potty? And I can’t imagine an ad ‘more complete’, as this one tends to wander about in a disjointed fashion.

Even after reading the entire ad, I still have no clue what this guy wants. I AM sure I want no part of whatever it is he is looking for. I am also sure he has no ex-wife, ex-girlfriends or friends because no one can follow a conversation with him for more than 5 seconds, or slog through his roommate agreement (’cause we all know he has one). I’ll bet the cat can’t even follow a conversation with this guy.

To top it off, he has photos of himself posted with this ‘ad’. It is obvious that they were taken by someone else. If he has no family and no friends, who took the photos? The cat? Big Foot? Martians?

You know, this would be perfect as a Lifetime Movie Event. Don’tcha think?


2 comments on “Rolling The Dice

  • This is called mental illness. I used to work with people who could have written that ad. Anyway, keep reading those ads…and keep being very discerning. Someone ‘normal’ will pop up eventually, they always do. Not necessarily for long term, but at least for some fun. If it doesn’t work, you move on and go back to the computer and laugh at the ads for a while again. I am taking a period of unpaid leave from dating, though. Well, come to think of it, the dating never did pay very well. (As the world knows by now, I seem to meet only men who are either poor or cheap.) I wish you a really great date soon!

    • It caught my eye because it was so oddly written. I had to read it. I was confused at first, but then I had to laugh. All in all, it’s pretty darn funny.

      Yuppers, dating pay is pretty non-exsistant. Sometimes it ought be called hazard pay.

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