Online Dating and Honesty. Or, When Wankers Text.

Published April 30, 2013 by mindfulofchatter



Here I sit pondering the twists and turns of the online dating world. I remember being a teenager and not having a darn clue about boys, dating, or even kissing for that matter. Now I haven’t a clue about online dating. People act so weird. And they tend to be thoughtless or just plain rude. Hiding behind a keyboard makes some people feel invincible.

But you know what? Some of them still get caught. Red handed. In a lie. Bold as brass and twice as shiny.

My friend Jennifer (Not her real name. Her real name is Peggy. Okay, it’s not Peggy either) met a man through one of the various and assorted online dating sites. Now Jen hasn’t met Derek (Not his real name either. Sorry) in person. They have exchanged a couple of e-mails and now have graduated to texting. Their conversations have been going well. Jen kinda likes ol’ Derek. Derek is smart and a good conversationalist. At least he is in the world of texting. Texting, like e-mailing, tends to make some people bolder than they truly are. You are pretty much faceless and no one can chuck hot coffee in your lap if you say something offensive (Mr. When Was The Last  Time You Had Sex comes to mind).

And then…………………(Oh ,come on. You knew that was coming)

Jen and Derek are texting away, having a grand old time. Derek has a boat. A yacht. Now The way this way relayed to me, the yacht was not mentioned in terms of ‘I have a yacht, therefore I am a good catch’, but as simply part of the conversation. Prince Points for Derek. Derek was getting ready to set sail while he was texting. As he talked about the marina where the aforementioned yacht is moored, a flag popped up in Jen’s mind. A red flag. The one that niggles at the back of your mind, begging for attention. Something wasn’t quite right here.

So Jen began to ask a few other little questions in the course of conversation. She wormed her way through the threads and began to put 2 and 2 together. They somehow added up to three. And I got a text;

Jen: Oh my god. I’m talking to this guy who is at ‘Some Marina Somewhere’ on his yacht. He is dating my friend! He doesn’t know I have figured it out. What do I do now? I’m not good at this.

Me: Ask him if he has any friends going out on the boat with him.

Jen: He says yes. He’s taking his daughter and her friend out. My friend just got there! She just texted me she has arrived at the marina. The same marina! This can’t be a coincidence.

Me: Maybe it is just a coincidence. Tell him your friend is also at the marina. Use her first name and see what he says.

Jen: He didn’t react. He either isn’t with her, or he is playing it super cool.

We are looking good here. Derek may get to keep his Prince Points!

Jen: I just got a text from my friend. She is with Derek. I asked who her date was, and she said Derek. And Derek just texted me ‘Wish you were here’. 

Bad Derek. You have now been stripped of all your Prince Points. Do not pass Go. Do not bother to text Jen again.

To be honest, my first reaction was to wonder if Derek and the friend had an exclusive relationship. If not, Derek had every right to be looking around while they are just dating. But the fact that Derek was looking around while on a date (an overnight date, no less) is pretty much very bad form and plops Derek firmly into the un-datable territory. Plus he tried to lie about who he was with and what he was actually doing. Very, very bad form. We won’t go into the whole texting while on a date thing.

Later, Derek did ‘fess up to Jen and admit he was on an overnight date with Jen’s friend. While the confession was kind of a good thing, it also showed Jen what Derek is truly made of. I’ll be nice and call it horse crap. Jen was a tad nicer and called him a creeper.

So why is it people feel they need to lie about themselves and what they are doing? I know people have been doing that since men realized women had boobs and boobs are fun to play with, but it seems worse now. There are computer screens, phones and tablets to hide behind. They don’t have to worry about someone making a public scene if they get caught in a lie. And the receiving party doesn’t even get the satisfaction of slamming the phone down in the liar’s ear (You younger readers have no clue about that. Go to a museum and look at old telephones. You’ll get the idea. Maybe).

We all just walk away. A little more jaded. A little less trusting. A little more sick and tired. No wonder I see so many profiles and personal ads asking the same question: Is there anybody honest out there?

And I have to admit, I am asking that very same question.





2 comments on “Online Dating and Honesty. Or, When Wankers Text.

  • Wow. I keep hearing stories like this – it seems like the world of online dating is this great big anonymous place, but it really is a small world after all. Shame on Derek (or whatever his real name is). Hope he got seasick 🙂

    • Online dating is a tough world. People do tend to be bolder when they can hide behind a screen name and not see who they are speaking with. It’s as if there are no consequences for their actions. ‘Tis very sad.

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