For The Love of Craigslist. Yeah, I said Craigslist.
Published April 18, 2013 by mindfulofchatter
I very much enjoy ‘The best of Craigslist’. While ‘The Best of’ scares the life out of me, (No, really. Read some. Some of these folks are beyond ready for the funny farm) the ads are often funny as all get out.
I thought I ‘d share a few with you. You looks as though you need a laugh or two.
This one was listed in the personal ads ‘Women looking for Men’;
Did you leave a prosthetic leg on the bus this morning? – w4m
I found a prosthetic leg wearing a Lucchese brand cowboy boot on the bus this morning. I’m not sure what brand the leg is, but it’s only the shin and foot portion and it’s not mechanical looking. Rather, it looks semi-real–almost like it could be from a giant plastic doll or something. I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and tried the boot on. Magnificent! At first I wondered why a prosthetic leg user would have purchased such a comfy boot. Then I figured that you probably have another leg and foot that actually work and they probably really appreciate the cushion and arch support provided by the Lucchese boots. I really hope I can meet you and ask you more about your condition. I wonder what Koreans would say about you if you went in for a pedicure. Do you get charged half price for pedicures? That would be fucked up if you didn’t. Do you think they’d charge me full price if I went in for a pedicure with you? Anyway, I really want to give you your prosthetic leg back because I imagine that you’re hopping around, or worse, forced to wear a makeshift papier-mâché leg, or worse, forced to wear a thick tree limb like a pirate. Hopefully we can meet for lunch sometime and I can give you your leg back. Oh, and please only respond if you’re attractive. You see, there’s this fantasy I have, like a modern-day Cinderella, where I finally meet the owner of the leg and he turns out to be a charming prince. Well… maybe not a prince. I want you to be a sexy cowboy war hero who has had one of his legs and both of his testicles blown off in a grenade explosion in Afghanistan. It would be really romantic for you to sweep me off my feet in some café downtown. And then we’d both fall over because your makeshift tree leg wouldn’t be able to support both of us. We’d share a laugh. I’d kiss you on the cheek and then reattach your professionally made prosthetic leg for you. Based on how breathtaking your prosthetic leg is, I can only imagine that you’re incredibly handsome. I would have taken a picture of the leg, only for the pleasure of readers paging through, but I don’t have a digital camera. I did the best I could sketching it. Please know that this is now way as amazing as the real thing!
The accompanying drawing showed a leg with a boot……..and a bone sticking out of the top. I think she embellished that bit. I hope she embellished that bit. Other wise this isn’t really a prosthetic leg……….
This one is one of the creative ‘Come get my piece of junk’ ads. I love these!
Free Death Ray parts
Do you have a science degree? Do you think the world would be better if you could just be in charge? Do you want to show those fools at the academy?I am listing a small selection of Death Ray parts as a service to the junior members of the mad science community. This includes a high voltage power supply, suitable for gauss cannon, tesla coil, or even just Jacobs’ ladder use; three vacuum tubes with emitters rated for soft X-rays (No guarantee of safety made when pumped to hard X-ray levels, but then, is there ever?); and a Fresnel lens appx 60 inches corner to comer, suitable for solar melting of asphalt, aluminium, and the skulls of your enemies. All this is free for pickup. It’s all in one convenient 450lb package, a Panasonic PT6G53. Yes, the TV functionality is fine, and until recently I was using it as a second monitor attached to one of my command station computers. However, times change, plasma TVs go on discount, and you can pick up this attractive bundle of parts for the low price of FREE! Please bring minions. It’s seriously very heavy.
And if you’re into the paranormal…………..
Haunted 1960s coffee grinder
Relic burr coffee grinder from the 1960’s. Available for immediate pickup.FREE! with caveats. . .1. The finest setting is still pretty coarse, but if you use a French press, you’re in hipster coffee heaven. 2. It’s haunted.
Take a picture using Hipstamatic or Instagram in a low lit room with the grinder to your right, in line with and roughly level with your heart, and a ghostly image of Timothy Leary will appear in the frame. Also, I’ve woken up several nights to find the grinder had moved from my kitchen counter to my nightstand and was watching me sleep. The grinder has been known to go missing for weeks at a time only to reappear back in it’s original location on the counter. Despite the drama, I’ve kept it this long because it makes a fine cup of coffee when it’s around. Unfortunately, it scares my new girlfriend so I’ve been asked to get rid of it.
I’d ask $1,500 for it, but California being a particularly litigious state I can’t afford to be deemed liable for destructive paranormal activity or demonic gates that open in your home, thus I offer it anonymously for free.
3. Works best with Peet’s coffee.
Sorry, if it has disappeared from the spot on the porch, I can’t help you. I really have no control over it.
I lived in Minnesota for 10 years. It seemed like 20, so I completely understand this next one.
Free for the hauling,
Beautiful cool, snowy, Christmas-esque Winter complete with majestic snowy pines and frozen lakes.
I’ve had my share and I don’t want to deprive anyone else,
Several hundred acres to give, just haul it away.Will consider trades for green grass, lemonade and flip flops
Some people make anything their hobby. Then think they have a gold mine. Or maybe a lint mine. And yes, he included a photo. Three good-sized jars full of lint, just for you or that special someone. Serious inquiries only, please.
belly button lint
I have a collection of belly button lint,will trade for muscle car,harley,rifles gold coins work also or make cash offer ,also interested in motor cycles. no lowball serious only willing to split if you dont have what im looking for.
And finally. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Wanted – Crazy Roommate!
Here’s the deal – I’ve been trying to rent a room in my house, but saying, “We’re a house of laid-back working people looking for same” has done nothing but bring out the crazies. Either that, or my standard for crazy is so low that nobody on Earth qualifies as sane.I feel that I must have been doing something wrong, so I’m going to try a new tact: ask for the crazies in the hope that a normal person replies to me.Here’s where you come in.If any of these apply to you, I want you to be my new roommate!
-Your Facebook photo has you pointing a gun to the camera with a bandana around your neck and wearing a shirt that says “Thug 4 Life”
-You’ve been evicted from your last three places because your landlords “were all stupid biches”[sic]
-You’re hoping to cram yourself, your significant other, and two kids into one room.
-You have enough pets to classify your room as a small zoo.
-You are thinking about moving up to the Seattle area, so can I please hold the room for two months until you can look at it?
-You want the room at half the price with utilities thrown in… with your own private bathroom, entrance, and hopefully kitchen (if it’s not too much to ask)
-You feel the need to explain how your ex screwed you over in your introductory e-mail
-You want it to be so 420 friendly that… dude… wait… what?
Don’t be bashful! Apply immediately!
You must be able to fail a criminal background check, preferably with at last one felony and be at least a level three sex offender.
Unemployed is preferable but not required. References from previous evictions a plus.
My ideal roommates are pictured above.
To the person who flagged the first post for removal at 3am last night… you’re just the type of person I’m looking for! E-mail me and set up a viewing today!
Seriously, though, I must be hitting too close to home, because people keep flagging the ad for removal (as well as many people flagging for “best of Craigslist”).
So next time you need a good laugh, hit Craigslist and look through the ‘The Best of’ ads. They will amuse you, scare you and some will make you laugh out loud.
Some days, that’s just what the doctor ordered.