Tomorrow is my birthday. Tomorrow I will 54. Tomorrow I begin a new job. Tomorrow I turn the page and begin again.
I am not in a mid-life crisis. I figure 55 is when that should set in. So I have a little time to plan what stupid and crazy thing I will do when I realize I am too old for whatever. Until then, I think I’ll just continue along the twisty turny path I am on.
The nice things about turning the page, is that all of the new pages are all blank. I can write, scribble, watercolour and splatter on them all I want. I don’t have to thumb back through the rotten pages, or remember when I did that stupid thing. I can choose what to look back on, what to dwell on and for how long. Or to not dwell at all. After all, I made all those decisions and I can’t run backwards and change them now. Not unless a man in blue box appears and decides I am worthy of his company. I’m not seeing that happening anytime soon. So I go forward.
Forward is a scary place. There is no net to catch me. If I fail, I fail on my own. I have no one to catch me, and only a few to cheer me forward. My younger self had a fistful of friends and a network of people. My older self does not have those things. Friends have moved on, as I have moved on. We are now scattered across the globe and touch fingertips once in a while. I have only a couple of stanch friends who most likely always be there as a shoulder, but they can’t be much more. Nor do I don’t expect them to be.
I have no significant other. There is no man I am dating. Not even a FWB. I am alone, in that respect. Not so much really lonely (though there are days I feel very much all alone), just on my own. I stand on my own two feet and face what ever decisions I make. Bad or good. It’s all on me. And I am just peachy with that. (Okay, don’t get me wrong here. I’d love to find a partner in life. I just don’t need one to be all right. I know, I know. That tends scares the bejesus out of some men. Too bad, guys. As they say, Cowboy Up.)
It really doesn’t matter how old you are, dear reader. It all still applies. Be happy alone. It makes you better in relationships. No one but you can make you happy. Move forward. Especially when your life hits the crapper. Step up out of the crap, and go forward. Forward is where the good stuff will be. Trust me, it isn’t hiding in the crap. Take responsibility for the decisions you make. You made them. It’s no one else’s fault, so stop saying it is. You are gonna make some bad ones (I sure have). See it, learn from it, move forward. Know who your real friends are. A few true friends are far better than tons of flakey ones. So you have 562 Facebook friends. How many of those are truly there to help you when you make that bad decision and fall into the crapper? Yeah, I thought so. Don’t dwell on the past. It’s over. It’s done. You can’t change it. Move forward.
So I am turning the page, starting out as fresh as I can. A new year in my life. A new chance to find my niche.
I don’t know what’s out there, but I will soon enough.