Here I sit at my computer tapping away to tell all you a little bit about whatever is on my mind. My mind started chattering again. I blame my yoga teacher. He has the flu, so no yoga last week. My mind had nothing to concentrate on, do it decided it was time to chatter on like a Chatty Kathy doll.
Which brings to my subject. Well……sort of brings me to my subject. Really, who out there even knows what a Chatty Kathy doll is?
Aha! I do.
Every morning, as I step out of the shower, I am faced with my own image. Like most of the people in the world, I see all the flaws. If its ‘wrong’ with me, I see it in a flash. I am too fat, too tall, too old, not pretty enough, too smart, or not smart enough. All of it. I began to think about this. No, not the flaws, the fact that I think what I look like, or how I am is ‘wrong’. There is nothing wrong with me. Okay, I’m a little weird, or strange, for a 53-year-old human female, but that’s not wrong. Like Popeye, I yam what I yam. Hopefully that’s not squash. Or spinach. Lord knows I don’t need the anchor tattoos.
Being 53 and staring 54 in the face (my birthday is next month), means the pool of men is smaller and more difficult to navigate. Part of it comes from the fact that at this age, we are all a little more cautious. We have time and life under our expanding belts, loved and lost, have been hurt, have been left , have been treated poorly, whatever. For me, a large part of it is….well…uh…..me.
I am eclectic. I love a lot of different things. I don’t live and breathe any one thing. I live and breathe a ton of little things. My soul is younger than my body. My ringtone is Super Chicken’s battle cry. I know who Tom Slick is, and I can tell you why he’s the best of good guys . Bob Newhart, The Smothers Brothers, Tom Lehrer and Allen Sherman live in my ipod (Yeah, I know. A lot of you are lost about now) along side Will Smith, Bowling for Soup and Pink. I find Steampunk to be a total kick, and yes, I would gladly sew together a costume and hit a Steampunk event. I love to go the comic books stores and stare the action figures. Road trips to where ever for the day, lunches at tiny diners, exploring ghost towns, museums, history, art, theatre…. Oh! Look at THAT! Let’s go see what that is! To top it off, I am an intelligent being and can carry on a conversation without using the word ‘like’ every 5 seconds.
However, the men in my age range are more settled (some are TOO settled). They have raised families (some still are). They concentrating on retirement, money and being Mr. Straight Arrow. Many have forgotten how to laugh at the world and themselves. Life has caused them to take it all far too seriously. Some are put off by the fact that I don’t need a man. Others by the fact that I am as smart, or smarter, than they are. I can’t help that, and I won’t play dumb for the next 20 years to ease their egos. Some are still thinking that a woman 15 – 20 years their junior is the perfect mate. Some still want a wife/mother figure. I am so not your mom.
Me? I am happy with who I am. So I suffer from BSODD (Bright Shiny Object Distraction Disorder). So I have a couple of tattoos (Mine are 30 years old. I’m not hip enough to get one now). So what if I have more wobbly bits than I did when I was 40. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I pay my own bills. I laugh a lot. I’ve learned to be comfortable at a cinema or restaurant alone. I am not a trophy wife. I AM the woman who will love you to bits and then some, if you are the right guy.
So, in a fit of pique, I took down my dating profile. I’ve had enough of the men who want to email for the next decade before meeting, the filtering out of the creeps and jerks, the backhanded insults, the plain ol’ not too bright and the silence.
I’m happy. I’m healthy. My life is good. The rest will come.