How do you deal with loneliness? With feeling as though you no longer matter? We all feel this way from time to time. Some more than others. Some to point of chronic depression. A few to the point of suicide.
We live in a busy world full of people and places. We watch other people’s lives as if we are watching a movie or looking through a store window. We see they are loved by so many and wish with all our hearts we had that too. We see the how good they have it. We don’t see their dark moments. We don’t see that their relationships are not always as grand as they look from the outside. We don’t see that, they too, are often lonely, hurting and needing a friend.
When asked ‘How are things? or ‘How ya doin’?”, we never answer truthfully. Often not even to our closest friends. We all assume no one wants to hear the bad things. Even when our best friends know something is wrong, we will wave it off and say we are fine. All is well. It’s all good, nothing important. And as best friends, we rarely push to get the real answer. We don’t want to intrude. We all figure when the other is ready to talk, they come forward and talk. We will watch as someone we know withdraws from the world. Stops going out. Stops accepting invitations to lunch or a movie. We let them struggle on their own because we don’t know how to break the barrier. Society tells us not to intrude, not to bother those that are hurting.
Many times, I don’t know what to do for my friends who are hurting. I try to be there. I try to be a sounding board. I often say the very things they don’t want to hear, and take the anger they fling back at me without returning it. Sometimes I get a thank you, other times I get pushed away. I just try to do what my heart tells me to do. It isn’t easy, it rarely is fun. But I hurt enough to know I don’t want my friends to feel the way I do.
Starting over isn’t fun. It’s hard, lonely, frustrating and scary. I am not an open person with my inner-self. I hide a good deal away from everyone. It makes it harder and I know it. I have no idea what to do about it.
But it also makes me more aware of how much I don’t want my friends to feel that way.