Dealing With The aftermath of Non-Relationship

Published August 16, 2012 by mindfulofchatter

My best friend is dealing with the break up of a two-year relationship. At least she thought it was a relationship. It turns out it wasn’t a relationship in the terms of two people who care for each other. It was a relationship in which one person cared for the other, and the other person cared only for himself.

She found out after he had packed up some of his things and left, that he had been planning to move out-of-state for many months. That he had never intended for this to be any kind of permanent relationship. That he never loved her. He had, in fact, used her for sex, food, shelter and to pay his bills. Yup, you read that correctly. He let her pay his bills for about two years.

At first, he was pitching in around the house. He’d clean, cook and do laundry. Then he began to back off those things. Not did he back off those things, but he also began to criticize and badger everyone in the household about how they kept their private space. After he got a job, he still didn’t contribute to the household with money. He had excuses as to why he didn’t have the money to pay his phone, car and insurance bills. At the grocery store, when she was at her wit’s end trying to buy food for the family, he never once offered to pick the tab. He plain and simply didn’t care one whit about anyone but himself.

This kind of selfishness effects everyone. He used my friend, he used me (I got him a job where I used to work), he used everyone he came in contact with. Whenever he was asked directly about anything, including his relationship with my friend, he gave non answers, or was vague. Often he changed the subject and walked away.

To add to this mess, I was recently found out that a another friend of hers knew this was going to happen. This selfish man had bared his soul to this so-called friend quite a while back. She, in turn, kept silent and let this awful scenario play itself out. I can imagine the sense of betrayal that was felt by this non-action.

Now my friend is in a world of hurt and confusion. The aftermath of this non relationship affects not only her, but her children and her friends. They see her struggle to make sense of something there is no sense to. Her son, bless his heart, urges her to get up and go for walk or a bike ride. He goes with her and tries to keep her laughing. Because her kids and her real friends are there for her, she will work through this. She has a support system to lean on. She found out who her friends really are, and knows she has strong shoulders to cry on and ears that will listen when she needs to shout out the pain.

All of this could have been avoided if one person had been honest and told the truth.

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