I have a good friend who is going through a mini hell. I met her through her now ex-boyfriend. Her ex and I were working on the same production at the same little community theatre. She came to a committee meeting and thought we get on well as friends, and asked me if I wanted to go have a drink and chat. We hit it off as if we’d had been best friends since grade school, and have been friends ever since.
At the time her BF (boyfriend) was in transition. He had moved to our state from another state. He was unemployed, but looking and had no real place to live. I think he was renting a room somewhere, but losing the financial battle a little more every day. GF (his girlfriend and my bestie) and he talked things over and he moved in with. GF had never just lived with a guy before. This was new territory for her. At first, things were pretty smooth. BF helped around the house while he searched for a job. He taxied the kids (hers) to their appointments, soccer games, plays, sleepovers and the things kids do as kids. BF seemed to good at taking up the slack. Since BF had no money and bills to pay, GF paid his bills. All with the understanding that BF would pay her back once he started working.
When the first cracks began to show, GF sat BF down and they discussed the issues. GF was very clear in stating her issues and why they were issues. BF? BF avoided any thing that remotely resembled a confrontation. He hemmed. He hawed. He made broad statements. He agreed she was right without ever really agreeing to work on things. BF was keeping secrets.
After about a year and a half of paying his bills (even when he had gotten a job), feeding him and providing a roof over his head, BF is gone.
He finally let a few of his secrets out. He had been looking for work in another state. He had no intention of this being a permanent relationship. He had been using GF for money, food and sex pretty much all along.
How can someone do that to another person? Yes, I know it happens all the time. BF knew that GF loved him. BF knew that GF has put her whole self into this relationship. She held nothing back from BF. She showed him and she told him day after day how she felt about him. BF didn’t care. BF blew it off. BF lied to keep his easy life.
BF is now gone and good riddance to him. But BF has also left behind wreckage that will take months to recover from. Not any does GF have to deal with this, but so do her children. So do her friends. Anyone who is a part of GF’s life will be affected by this one selfish person (I have restrained my self and not called him an asshole).
Dishonestly sucks. There is no place for it in any relationship. I’m talking about lies and secrets. Dishonesty can destroy a decades old relationships is a blink of an eye.
Being honest with a significant other can be difficult at times. Especially if its ‘bad’ news. Honesty is what makes any relationship strong. It’s what makes any two (or sometimes more) people stronger. It doesn’t matter is you are just close friends, or an old married couple. Honesty is what makes us know we have an ally in our corner should ever we need one. It isn’t a tough thing to do. Tell the truth, and keep on telling the truth.