I am beginning to wonder about the whole dating thing

Published August 4, 2012 by mindfulofchatter

I used to have a dating blog. I wrote several posts that were liked and re-blogged. I even gained a few regular readers. But I took it down when it became apparent I was not dating. In spite of my efforts to ‘put myself out there’, I remain dateless. Kind of a dateless wonder, so to speak.

Here is a little background; I left a marriage of 4 whole years. The marriage was troubled and was not going to get better. Any relationship needs to have both parties willing to work on the rough bits. I didn’t have that. The bits just got rougher and rougher. I had enough, and moved out. He and I are still friendly. This tells you we weren’t at each other’s throats, just unhappy.

I stayed away from dating and dating sites. I needed time to put myself back together and heal the wounds. I realized some of those wounds were decades old and were in desperate need of attention. So I went out with friends, learned to go out alone (and enjoy it) and let myself sort through all the baggage that has accumulated over the years. It was a rather odd journey. Looking back at events and reactions to those events was eye-opening. I learned a great deal about who I am, and why I am this person. I sorted through the things I liked about me, as well the things I don’t like about me. I think I came out the other side a much better, more comfortable person.

So I decided it was time to date. I signed up on two free dating sites, found profile photos, wrote and re-wrote my profile until I thought I had an okay profile. Those profiles are tough to write. I mean, how much crazy do you share right up front? So many of the men try write about how Mr.Steady Eddy they are (solid job, own a house, blah, blah, blah). They write that way because they are sure all women want a steady, stand-up guy. Unfortunately, they tend to sound dull a toast. Some go the complete other direction and sound a bit too wild. When writing about oneself there tend to be a lot of ‘I’ going on. A few find a balance. Very few.

All this makes sorting through profiles a little daunting. For me, some are instantly discarded. Those who are fitness nuts are dismissed immediately. I have no need to ‘hit the gym 7 days a week’, ‘cycle across the counrty’ or ‘love extreme hiking’. I am active, but lets not get silly about it. Those guys are much better off with someone of a like mind. Thats isn’t me. I am leary about widows. A large number of these men are still not over their lost love. It shows in the way they write their profiles. I can not compete with dead wife/lover. Who can live up to her? No one.

So here I am signed up and ready to meet new people. I look through my ‘matches’ to see if anyone piques my interest. I read dozens and dozens of profiles. I send messages to the ones that seem to be a person I would like to meet.

I get very few responses.

I have met one man from the dating site. We talked on the phone for hours. We liked a lot o the same things. We laughed a lot on our meet n’ greet. But I am not his cuppa. Thats fine, but he couldn’t just say that. He had to hem and haw. He had to wait unitl I put it out there. He excuse? I live too far away (30 – 45 min, tops). Seriously?

Since then I have a had a few guys contact me, or at least reply. Some are just plain creepy. Some write for a bit, then fade away. Some holler distance (I live in place that is slightly isolated, but with plenty of ways to get around). Some decide that I am not pretty enough or not thin enough for them before they even try to get to know me. Their loss.

Me? I’m not sure I want to continue to persue this line of dating. I’d rather meet someone the old fashioned way, and not be judged by a photograph or two. I prefer to be able to see the body language and hear the inflection in their speech. So much goes on that you can’t squeeze into a photograph and few lines tapped out on a keyboard.


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