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All posts for the month May, 2012

Things Seem to be Going Well

Published May 26, 2012 by mindfulofchatter

The rearranging of the house is still going on. There is a lot to accomplish in a very small space, so it will take time. I have to say my sister has risen to the occasion much better than I thought she would. I am very proud of her efforts. Even when she is having a bad day, she tries to get something accomplished.

The living room is clean, and a space we can both use with comfort. The little office area has been scrubbed clean and holds both of our desks easily. The bathroom is still being worked on, but has come a long way. It changes are amazing! My sister decided (with no push from me) that the closet was a priority. I cannot get to my shoes or my clothes without moving things around, and she has decided I have dealt with that situation long enough. She has been knee-deep in the closet for a full day and the changes are immediate and wonderful. We took down the shelves she had on one wall and put in a shoe rack. The shoe rack not only takes up less space, but ALL of her shoes fit on it. We re-installed a shelf above the shoe rack for her boots. Now all of her shoes and a few pairs of mine are put away properly. Today, sister has decided we shall finish the closet. She noted how it would drive her crazy to live like that and doesn’t want me to have to live this way any longer. This is a major project, but she determined we will get it finished as soon as we can.

We also went for a walk this morning, with the dogs. Walking is something my sister has been reluctant to do. The first week I was here, she made excuses as to why she couldn’t join us for a walk. Today, I asked her well ahead of walk time and she agreed to go with us. This was not a two block, short walk. We went for a long walk that involved a hill or two. The dogs were tired and happy to be back home. We were tired, a little hot and happy to be back home too. And best of all, sis didn’t fold up and decide it was nap time. She is still working on things that need to be done.

I hope this  trend continues. She is happier and more active than she has been in a long time. If my being here makes this much of a difference in her life, then I am happy to change mine a bit for her. I know this doesn’t mean the road ahead is not bumpy in places. But it looks as if we will be able manage the bumps as they come.

I think we can do this!

Learning to Deal With Depression

Published May 21, 2012 by mindfulofchatter

I have made the move to another state. I am now living with my sister, at her request. We are not, and never have been, a touchy feely sort of family. So when my sister called me a year or so ago and asked for help, I came. Her house was a wreck. It looked like she was beginning to hoard. She wasn’t, she just couldn’t get it together and clean up. Small tasks became huge mountains and she ignored them in favor of ‘I’ll do that another day.’ Another day never came. We cleaned out the house and I went back home. But it happened again. And then again.

My sister suffers from depression.

She is on medication to balance it out. It has helped, but she has a long way to go. I am here now, to help keep her from spiraling out of control, but I have trouble understanding this thing completely. I intellectually understand the problem. There are days she just can’t do things. But being here full time, I also see that she just doesn’t do things because she feels she doesn’t have to. Her PA told her not to stress over things and do them in her own time. But it seems my sister has taken this to mean it’s okay to do nothing for long periods of time. Not cook, not clean, no dress, not go out. This does not fly with me. Doing nothing is not participating in your recovery. While I feel she needs to put structure into her life, I also know that I can’t push her too hard or she will collapse. Yes, I know, the change will have to come slowly and within her time frame, to a certain extent. But this leaves me with little to no space in her very small house. And that is a huge issue for me. I need to be able to access my clothing without moving her boxes out of my way everyday.

While I am frustrated, I know things will get better. They already have begun to change. Dishes are done everyday, not piled into the sink for later. She is cooking and eating better. Trash goes out to the bins when its full. Most of the house is picked up and clean. There is still work to do, but I think it will get done sooner rather than later. My tendency to get up get moving seems to help my sister get up and get moving better than she has been able to in the past.

We have just begun this journey, and I know I need loads of patience and courage. She does too. The world is missing a very special person right now. I love my sister and want to see that bright, beautiful woman blossom and start to explore the world again.

The Eve of Packing The Truck

Published May 12, 2012 by mindfulofchatter

It’s 9:00pm and I am sitting on my love seat, borrowing an Internet connection from a neighbour. I have turned in my modem and discontinued my Internet service. My T.V. now lives in a large, padded box sitting quietly in my spare bedroom that once housed my sewing room. Also in that spare room is the bulk of what is left of my belongings.

Today was my last day at work. After work, I had a few errands to run. All those last minute little things one must do when moving out of their current area. I turned in my Internet modem, I closed accounts, I bought the last few things I needed to finish packing, I washed the car. Once home, I did laundry and turned to packing up the last of my things. I find I still need a box or two, but I can get those when I go pick up my moving truck in the morning. There always seems to be one more thing to do. Moving is like that.

I have moved a lot in my life. My best friend says I have gypsy blood and it makes me restless. My kids had to learn to make friends more often than other kids and they learned to make new rooms home on a regular basis as if we were a military family. In some ways I feel guilty about that – dragging them through my dis-connected life. Even though I tried to keep every new place home, I know it was tough on them.

I can’t tell you why I move so much. I have a list of every address I have lived at since I left home all those years ago. The list seems far too long for someone in their early 50’s. My childhood was stable. We lived in three different houses. Three. I don’t even remember the first one, only the the two that followed. My parents didn’t move until I was long gone from home. The last one to leave.

I have gotten good at packing. I seem to always get stuck doing it on my own with little or no help. But when the time comes for the actual move, help seems pop up in one form or another. Once, my son’s boss came and helped us move. Just the the three of us loading up the truck. It was tough, but we got it done! I am thankful for the people who have stepped up and helped me over the years. I have always tried to repay that by helping people I know load or unload.

This time, I have far less to load up. My ex is helping me out by taking me to pick up the truck and helping me load it up. My other best friend is bringing her son over to help ferry boxes down the stairs. There is no elevator here. You walk your stuff up or down two flights of stairs. 

And here I go again. Moving to a new state, and later a new country. My kids are now adults. One has lived in the same place for years now, and is happy in her space.. The other? He is also a nomad, working as a traveling teacher, giving kids a taste of theatre in little towns all over South Dakota.

It seems this gypsy blood runs in the family.

Bye Bye to This Little Town

Published May 6, 2012 by mindfulofchatter

 

I am moving in a week to a new town in a new state. There is more than one reason for this move. One being that my job here refuses to give me full-time hours. They have almost everyone on part-time status and have instituted a wage freeze unless you are a care giver, CNA or RN. So all of us who SUPPORT those roles are expected to just get by or find new employment. After nearly 3 years there, I feel they have told me loud and clear how important I am to them as an employee. So Bye-Bye!

The other reason for this move, is that my sister and I are planning to move to France. Yes, France. We can not do this living several hundred miles apart. So I am moving to where she lives. The way, we can get that party started in a more serious manner.

I am single and over 50. Some of you may read my other blog ‘Over 50 and Single’ (funny that worked out, isn’t it?). I have tried to date here in this valley town with little result. I have been on Match.com, Date Hook-Up and Plenty of Fish and gotten pretty much nowhere fast. I recognized one of my ‘matches’ from Match.com as a man I see regularly at the local dog park. He remembered me too. We walked and talked (at the dog park) and took in a very silly B movie (how can you not laugh at ‘Mega Piranha’?). But that was all she wrote. He does not seem really interested in actual dating. After that, it was pretty much nada.The men who wrote were way older, or smokers or just plain nut cases. I have had exactly 3 dates in 18 months. In effect, I have been rejected by this entire town.

A man I know from work once told me I was scary smart. He said it was very cool, bit also kind of intimidating. I am also pretty tall and I am not comfortable dating the guy who is 5’6″. And yes, that little bit is my issue and no one elses. Maybe one day I’ll get past it. I also have a very silly sense of humor and know loads of utterly useless information.

So it seems that this little place where I live is, has little to offer a tall, smart, silly, over 50 woman who will not play games, twist herself into being what the other person wants rather than herself or be someone’s mistress (yes, I have had that offer). While I will very much miss my few friends here, it is time to move forward.

So Bye-Bye little town. I know you won’t miss me.